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I am Now the Envy of
Everyone
Flyfishing Stories by Bob Lawless
Before I explain this, I must backup just a bit. I was being
guided on the Bogachiel by this guide named Jim. I had to
potty and told him so. He pulled in to the bank and offered
me this plastic bucket. I looked confused and he explained
how much he loved and respected the river and would I please
use the bucket. I agreed but thought to myself, what is
he going to do with the pee pee ( don't you think, my dearest
and only friends, that potty and pee pee are really filthy
ways to say something that is otherwise just a bodily function?)
when we end the trip. He carried it up to his house and
dumped it into his septic tank. Wow! What a dude! Here is
not only a guide but a riverkeeper as well. I vowed to change
my ways.
So I went to the dump and got this old commode which, while
slightly cracked here and there and was terribly yellowed,
was still serviceable and the price was acceptable. But
it needed work to become a real fly fisherman's toilet.
First, I put on some wheels because my fly vest already
weights me down (see my story on What's in my Vest?). I
found this old refrigerator dolly and with some bungies,
I put together a pretty nice trailer to pull in back of
my truck. I put the detachable lights hanging out from under
the seat and the license plate I epoxyed to the bottom of
the bowl. Are you still with me, my dearest and only friends?
Now comes the important aspects of this story: the appointments.
To the back of the tank, I attached a huge American flag
and a smaller Canadian flag to go underneath. When I walk
down a bar and then come back to my toilet with Old Glory
snapping in the breeze, I get a chill down my back; plus,
I think the flag helps establish my possession of whatever
spot I care to fish. It's sort of like it would be scandalous
to disturb the flag. May the army owns it. Who would know?
I also have a large antenna for my VHF and a 3 meter short
wave. A special series of PVC tubes allows me to carry several
rods: a 14' spey with a Hardy St.George fly reel, a 9' 3"
Fenwick with a Hardy St. Aiden ( God, do I love my Hardys),
a 9' Loomis 8 wt.with a Tioga reel ( my main work horse),
a 9' 6 wt.Scott with an Orvis Battenkill reel, plus a St.
Croix Traveler and Sci Fi Anglers reel as a back up (6 wt.).
That pretty much rounds out my fly gear. But I must confess
that, as Richard Milhouse Nixon once said, "When the
going gets tough, the tough break out good gear stuff.)"
To that end, I carry a Fenwick Lunker Stick with Phlueger
Supreme reel for large bass type plugs and Wee Warts etc.,
a Fenwick Spin Outfit with an Orvis 100 spinning reel, a
long, 9 foot Fenwick roe rod with a Shimano reel and lastly,
for giant kings on big rivers (the Skeena , for example)
where you must have at least 8 ounces of lead to hold your
size OO spin and glow with roe on the trebles on the bottom
in big, fast, deep holes, I use a 9' Fenwick Yellow Fin
Tuna rod and a Penn Squidder. By the way, I have a rod holder
attached to the bowl so that when plunking I can just sit
on my toilet, watch for a bite, relieve myself as neededa
d so forth. That pretty well rounds out my hardware and
all this equipment fits nicely around the bowl of the toilet,
each rod in its own plastic tube. This ring of rods lends
itself to some privacy.
I do carry a rifle. I have always felt rather inadequate
when it comes to long range work and all I've got are two
pistols. An M16, she has a bayonet (always fixed to add
a little more impressiveness) and I call her Ramona. We
are most fond of each other. I have a little wire hook where
the TP roll is attached ( not to Ramona but to the bowl)
and I am so slick that I built a little cover over it for
the rain. Other items, to numerous to mention, camping gear,
tent and sleeping bag etc., will have to go unmentioned.
Needless to say, with my fly vest and my flyfisherman's
rolling toilet, I pretty well have all things covered.
I have had only one problem with this rig so far. And this
is that fellow anglers want to use it
all the time (I have seen lines form) and the holding tank
fills quickly. I don't allow gear men to use it because
their hands always stink of roe and other foul smells. I
must approve of your fly gear or the answer is no. If you
caught something or offer me some flies (trout flies, you
fool, not the fly in your pantss) then you probably will
be able to take a seat.
Sometimes, when tired of casting, I like to sit on my toilet
and watch the action. I would like to talk and joke with
other anglers, but no one will come near me, even though
I have a sign that says, "This Toilet Nor Its Owner
Stink." But the sign has been largely ignored.. I don't
know, maybe it's because I don't shave when I fish?
BOBLAWLESS
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