What is a Fly?
by Don Johnson

What is a fly?  Is it merely a conglomeration of materials bound to a hook and designed to bamboozle a fish? Yes and no. For many, a tied fly is a commodity purchased so we can enjoy the sport and challenge of fly fishing. For others, through the art and craft of fly tying, a fly becomes a means by which they elevate their respective participation to a higher plane, which offers its own gratification. Some see it as an all-consuming religious pursuit requiring copious hours spent paying homage to the masters of yore through the meticulous study of their methods and techniques which then are manifested in glorious patterns likely never to see one drop of hydration. What follows is but a few samples of what denominations are available to those fitting the latter category of tiers:

The First Rotational Congregation of the Church of the Fly is an Anglerican denomination of Rotarians committed fully to the promotion of the benefits and techniques of tying flies in the true rotary fashion. Some believe Norm Norlander is the Prophet behind this particular movement although Guido and Guiseppi Mercedes-Benzetti may in fact be playing a much less significant role behind the scenes.

The Seven Day Apprentice church promotes the preservation and use of the venerable Thompson A vise. This church is very basic and really stresses old-school methods practiced daily throughout the week as a general form of education for those wishing to take up the craft as a future form of income. This church is often confused with the Seven Gay Apprentices which is actually a rogue band of fledgling interior decorators under the inspiration of the hit TV show "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy".

Then there's the More-Ons. Einstein was quoted once as saying "Things should be as simple as possible but not any simpler". In the More-Ons' opinion Einstein is burning in hell and is the root of all evil. There is never a fly tied that has a minimal number of materials, steps or obscure techniques. It is quite often the case that flies tied by this group need three or four members to assist the tier while materials are applied. They don't tie on anything smaller than a size 1 hook because of the amount of room required to apply dozens of materials. So if you always feel enough is never enough, look these guys up.

Members of the Ephemerellical Mission of Conscientious Crafting (EMCC or e=mc2), contrary to the More-Ons beliefs, are very minimalistic and scientific in their approach to fly tying. They cherish Einstein's theories of fly design (Big Al was a great fly tyer; this is a little known fact) and truly believe the connection between the fish and what fly to choose is relative, hence the famous Theory of Relativity. Following their minimalistic nature, they have gone so far as shirking the use of tying thread all together and instead promote the use of van der Waals forces (big failure for wet flies), static electricity, magnetism and even superconductivity in the application of materials to a hook. Of late they have been reconsidering thread as a result of the advances in the “String Theory”. Anyway, their most famous pattern, the Angstrom, is a miniscule micro-ant pattern banned by the IAEC (International Atomic Energy Commission) after the loss of a fly resulted in what many think was the root of the Chernobyl "accident". The offshoot of this horrible incident was a very popular ant pattern proven effective in many freestone rivers of the Western US. As an aside, recent dealings in Iraq have not turned up any WMDs but rather three factories dedicated to the production of a size 25/0 rendition of the Angstrom for use in Islamic commercial fishing applications. If you think Jesus could produce fish you should see what one of these babies can do!
 
The CatHolics are an old and traditional group that emphasizes not only the incorporation of domesticated feline into the many facets of fly construction, but a lot of guilt if not. They, as a result, are not in high standing with the SPCA, for obvious reasons. If your cat Fluffy should be renamed "Patches", this is the group for you. Meetings are every Sunday with Holey Days of Obliteration (group retreats to fix leaky waders) held several times throughout the year. The demands are rigorous though and failure to comply can result in the need to tie many Hairy Maries as a form of penance.

The Fluids are, in the opinion of the aforementioned "mainstream" religions, to be considered Pagan. Water is the main focal point of this religion and anything that compromises the integrity or constitution of Mother Nature's finest liquid is considered blasphemous. As a result, the dry fly is held in high esteem in this religion. So, if you have a pristine collection of Whiting Platinum Hackles, you ought to consider joining this flock; they are definitely not all wet.

Yin and Yang have also gotten into the picture, although their emphasis is more on the fishing application of the flies rather than the tying itself. They strongly promote and preach the advantages of using a dropper system. In this fashion, one can fish up and down, top and bottom, dark pattern and light, dry and wet...you get the point (and hopefully the fish will too). Primarily an Eastern religion, it is realizing increased popularity in the West over the last decade or so.

ISlamIts are a radical fundamental group whereby members are only allowed in after proving themselves by recording Grand Slams like bonefish, tarpon, permit on a fly in the same 24-hour time period. There are different sects, some concentrating on freshwater species, some saltwater and those that are confused and do both. The latter are technically referred to as Transpiscator ISlamIts, sometimes called Switch-Hitters, and target Pacific salmon, steelhead and other anadromous species in either water type.  

If religion isn't your bag, get the Anthony Bobbins videos on fly tying self improvement, tap into your inner creativity and you too can reinvent the Adams, Gold Ribbed Hare's Ear and many others.

 

Article	088
Created	3-13-2005
Author	Don Johnson
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