My condolences to you and your family, Jerry. Your post sure puts a human face on what might otherwise have just remained a statistic to us. RIP Joshua, Thanks for your sacrifice.
Keep fishing and releasing your sorrow with every fish.
I can only speak for myself because everyone is different and grieves in their own way and time. The day will come again when you can think of Jay and smile. It's a bitter sweet moment when you realize that you have. You will never forget the loss, pain or sadness, but you will find some joy in the time you and he shared while you could.