Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. :ray1:After reading Ricklea's "farewell to the world" post and the many responses thereto, I have deemed myself at least as qualified as most everyone else on the board to give counseling - much in the same way as the "Psychiatry - $.05" booth that used to appear in the Peanuts strip. I won't start charging the nickel until I see how this works out. So, as of now, and for at least some of the weekend, I am test marketing an advice to the "fish-lorn" column. As stated above, this is most definitely NFR - if it is fishing advice you seek, stay in forum. However, if you are having problems of a more 'personal' sort, such as rude responses to your post, bad hair day, etc. - shoot me a short question and we'll see what we can do to get the wheels back on your bus.

    ;)The Dr. is in - Line forms to the left.

    (Just in case there is a shred of doubt in anyone's mind - this is definitely NOT serious, and most certainly tongue-in-cheek, for entertainment purposes only. Hell, I won't even take my own advice):ray1:
  2. I'll bite -

    Dear Citori,

    I am a member of a couple of fishing forums, and I feel that my fishing-tale skills are lacking. I simply have not been able to come up with the gall to put jaw-dropping stats into my posts.

    So, Citori, what advice do you have for someone who feels inadequate when reading about the 76 lb freshwater striper that got away after it was measured, or the school of 6lb + gizzard shad that have taken up residence under docks?

    Thanks in advance!
    - Modest in the Midwest
  3. Dear Modest.

    Your name is a dead give away. Speak authoritatively and confidently, quote important statistics where appropriate to reinforce your report, and most importantly, lie through your teeth. In no time as you begin to believe your own stories, your feelings of inadequacy will be replaced with the delusions of adequacy the rest of us have.

  4. If you look at my latest post under the Cast and Blast Section you'll know what a bad hair day looks like!! LOL
  5. Dear Charlie,

    The reason this bird got so close was obviously an attempt to hatch your head, and thus would constitute use of an illegal decoy. I have forwarded your post to the appropriate authorities.

  6. My Word!!! It's wonderful to be alive and a part of this!!! Thanks
  7. Dear Citori-
    Every time I have a day off and I intend to go fishing, we get weather like we had yesterday. Why is that? Knowing this is true, should I post my days off on the web in advance as a warning to others?
  8. Dear Dick,

    It won't do any good to post your days off. You are the only one experiencing that weather. This is your punishment by the fish gods for turning into a fair weather fisherman. In order to reverse this trend, you will have to do what you did when you were younger. You will not only have to go out in whatever weather comes, you will have to actually enjoy it, and be convincing about it. Only then will the fish gods see that there is no more fun to be had by visiting inclement weather and conditions upon you.

    I didn't realize it was you who was screwing up the weather for everyone around you. Quit sniveling and go take one for the team.

  9. Dear Citori,

    I have a problem with knots. Sometimes when I'm fishing I notice unwanted knots on my leader. A friend called them "wind knots", however they appear at times when there is no wind. My brother-in-law suggested it was a crooked joint in my fly rod, so I bought a new rod. That helped a little so I bought another rod, with each new rod the knots became fewer and fewer. I now have a good collection of great rods but the knots are back.

    Last week I met a nice girl and asked her out to dinner. Before we arrived at the restaurant I got knots in my stomach. Then I remembered what had worked before, so toward the end of the evening I asked her if she'd like to go back to my place and see my new rod? She got angry and ended the date. I was so dissappointed.

    I told my brother about this, he says it may not be a knot problem, could be a karma problem. I don't know much about karma. Perhaps you could suggest a good karma catalogue?

    Bent out of shape,
  10. Dear Bent,

    You are obviously throwing too tight a loop. You need to slow down your tempo. Pick out your rod with longest belly, and work with that a while.

    If your girlfriend doesn't want to see your rod, fly or otherwise, you need to drop her like a hot rock. Find one that appreciates a full wells grip.

    Sounds like your brother's a new age, granola eating's a link for him.

    You don't need to worry about it. Once you slow down your delivery, fly or otherwise, you'll do just fine.

  11. Dear Citori,

    Every time I get geared up to go fishing My wife says no, and that I have to stay home with the two year old. So I say that I could just take him with me, he has to learn about the good things in life sometime. Then she gets real mad and makes me do work around the house, and ruins my day.How do I get her to chill out and let me be free?:confused:
  12. Clitori,
    Thanks for the advice. I'll slow it down a bit, probably a good idea. More relaxed rythm...gotcha.
  13. I think Citori must have counseled Sharp Steelie. There was a guy who not only felt adequate but had delusions of grandeur.
  14. Dear Citori,

    Where does a psychiatrist go to get psychiatric help?
  15. Dear Citori...

    Do you know where I can buy waders that won't make my hips look big?
  16. Dear Dr. Citori,

    A friend of mine took me to the "S " river and let me play with his rod. The power I felt between both hands was just intense. It just felt so good handling his rod, swing it it back , side to side .....and that....that forward jerk! I feel so ashamed because I have always been a one handed type of guy. I feel so inadequate holding my own rod now.bawling:

    As a single hander, I was always told it isn't the size of your rod that counts but it is in the way you time your strokes.

    I just can't stop thinking of how two hands feel....these guys just know how to swing......Dr...what do you suggest?????


    So confused
  17. Dear Mont,

    Stay home and become an expert on whatever she is doing, or not doing. Offer free advice at all times. Give that a couple of days, you will be able to go fishing whenever you want. Watch out for flying pots or pans.

  18. Dear Pan,

    You're here. Next question.

  19. Dear Citori,

    So I have this duffel bag. I use it religiously for fishing as it's the perfect size, waterproof and quite durable. Now for the problem. The bag was once red like a fire engine, but over time has faded to what I call a more aged shade of red. My neighbor/fishing buddy swears up and down it's not red at all, but pink! He refuses to let me ride in his truck with the bag and, moreover, claims anyone with such a bag must be light in the loafers.

    I can assure you that the bag IS red and, furthermore, I don’t even own a pair of loafers. My question: Should I replace my trusty 'aged red' bag with something in black or perhaps camo to shut my colorphobic neighbor up, or should I continue to use the bag and annoy the hell out of him on purpose as I have been? :cool:

    Confused (but not curious)

    P.S. Congrats on your new profession...2008 Thread Of The Year nomination as of now...nice!
  20. Dear Mike,

    Honestly, I don't even know how to respond. First order of business is to identify the 'person' who commented on the size of your ass in your waders, and show them your ass as you walk decidedly away. It is a well known fact that fish like fishermen who's asses look fat in waders.


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