Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Dear Confused,

    Get a grip, seriously.

  2. Well said.... well said. :ray1:

    Goodnight my friend.
  3. Dear Confused but not curious,

    Seriously, a red bag, for fishing gear??? Red is just a darker shade of pink. I think you have just outed yourself. No longer does it matter what color bag you carry...


  4. Dear Citori,

    Sometimes late at night, after my family has long since gone to bed, I'll turn on my computer and log on to this site and look at Mingo's avatar.

    I'm a happily married man of almost 19 years. My wife and mother of my two children is a terrific gal. Am I being unfaithful by my actions?


    Virtual Voyeur
  5. Dear Citori,

    A couple of months back I won several million dollars in a lottery drawing. I tried hard to keep it secret but after a while questions started to be asked about my new pickup, SUV, motorhome and the new house we have started on the upper 40. Word got out and spread quickly. Now ex-buddies that have considered me too old, too loopy or too uncool to associate with have started to contact me and chat it up.

    Should I be flattered by their sudden attentions or just dismiss them as disingenuous twits that hope to somehow profit from my recent good fortune?


    Big Bucks Ive, formerly IveofIone
  6. Dear Citori,
    I've always admired the fascinating and informative postings of IveofIone, and although he and I have never met, I have recently entertained the idea of becoming one of his fishing buddies, as i know nothing about where to fish in the NE part of the state and I figured he'd be the one to hang out with.
    How do you suggest I go about this? I mean, without appearing like I'm just another "wet-sider" looking to raid the northeastern havens?
  7. Dear Virtual,

    Personally I think you are OK. When he was president, Jimmy Carter said, " I've committed adultery in my heart many times...and God forgives me for it."

    Besides, those are some good looking sandwiches.

  8. Dear Jimbo,

    I have been to Ione. Think Dueling Banjo's. Leave your teeth and shoes at home and I think you boys will get along just fine.

    Seriously though. I have entertained thoughts like this myself with other members of this esteemed community. No risk, no reward. Shoot him an email and ask if he's up for a visit. In keeping with the "give before you get" philosophy the noob's don't get, you might invite him over for a razor clam dig and a try for some surf perch.

    Fishin' buddies don't have to go fishin' to be buddies.

  9. Dear Big Bucks,

    I feel necessary to let you know that your post has unfortunately come to me just after my last free consult. The invoice is in the mail.

    Also, I wouldn't be in too big a hurry to answer emails from members of this board interested in taking you in the woods to become your new "fishin' buddy".

    As for your "friends", of course they are twits! In fact, I am the only one with your best interests at heart - you definitely should not trust anyone else.

    You will be injured and hurt hearing this news, and you will definitely be in need of intensive counselling. While the other members of the board will no doubt miss my eloquent postings and hearty repartee, I will, for a nominal retainer, make my services available to you exclusively. I will be in Ione by noon tomorrow, and we can begin our sessions.

    You are so fortunate you got in touch with me before any real damage has been done.

  10. Dear Citori

    My double haul seems to be suffering and I think it's due to my receding hairline and my recent impotence, before a big fly fishing fishing event I can't seem to wake up with my few hairs upright and straight and my casting arm is limp and asleep. I'm truly exicited and anxious every morning before such an event but this problem seems to persist....the performance has regulary been poor lately ......any suggestions to improve? The catch rate is suffering...Please Help :)
  11. Dear Mixed Metaphors,

    There seem to be multiple issues. You may in fact be suffering multiple technique disorder, but we will have to ask some simple questions before a diagnosis is possible.

    Is the hair that isn't upright on the palm of your casting hand?
    Is your casting arm all that is limp, or is your haul arm limp as well?

    My guess is that performance anxiety is at the root of the issue. Your casting arm being limp is no doubt due to you waking up with your arm asleep, which means that you are laying on it, which also means your haul arm is fine. Switch sides of the bed, go to sleep on your back, and wear a pair of your wife's pantyhose under your waders. Between your sleep deprivation and the grip of the nylons, you won't be thinking about your "performance' and the rest should take care of yourself.

    Many of the rest of us know how well this works, but let us know how it does the job for you.

  12. Dear Citori.

    My friend and I are having a falling out over a long standing debate.

    I contend that it's not the size of the rod, but how you use it. He contends that the longer the rod, the better you can use it and really "swing" as he says. Who's right?

    Signed, Happy with is medium sized stick.
  13. Dear Citori,

    I have fly fished for almost 50 years now and I have never pissed my pants from the excitement. Is this normal? I am now worried because I take a small high blood pressure pill and the need to pee arises frequently for the first 2 or 3 hours after the pill. If this coincides with my fishing success lately, I’m afraid I’m going to pee my pants one of these days soon. Would you recommend bringing along a plastic bottle or should I just wait and see how things go? Do you think I should see my physician about this? I'm really nervous about what my friends would say if I did have a mistake. It would be quite embarrassing. By the way, I’m not interested in those astronaut type diapers, so don’t even go there…


    Not An Astronaut
  14. Dryflylarry,
    I'm sure Citori will have a clinically precise answer to your query but as a guy that caught his first fish on a fly on July 28,1953 I know of what you speak. Just remember that waders work both ways so your friends never have to know! In case of an accident just feign a fall as you leave the water and take on some ballast as you come ashore.

    Some of the guys I fish with 'fall' so often I don't know if they are clumsy or just rinsing. Ive
  15. Dear Pee Pee boy,

    What Ive said.

  16. Dear Happy,

    Is is both the size of the rod, and how you use it. If you're happy with the rod, it is the right size. If you're not, it's not. If you're happy with it, you'll swing it...

    The thing to avoid is the length envy...never a good thing. Then you will always be looking for one just a little bit longer.

    I really hate that.

  17. Well, my loyal readers. This has been an interesting weekend. We may have to revisit the counseling session, but for the time being, it appears my work is done.

    The Dr. is out.
  18. Dr. Citori...that is some of the funniest shit I have seen on this site....Can't wait until you once again offer your services to the degenerate misfits on this site. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
  19. To all those with "rod problems", check out Viagra.
  20. Dear Cit,

    Time and time again I find myself locked in this “time vs money” pendulum concerning my career, where the more money I achieve, the less time I have for fly fishing. I have often speculated, even romanticized about positioning myself in an area/career that would allow me to get out more often and enjoy time on the water. Just when I am almost willing to take the plunge and pursue a career closer to fly fishing, I counter this thought with the rationality that fly fishing will always be a “hobby” and a corporate career will be the means to sustain this “hobby.” The further I climb up this career ladder, the less time I will have for fly fishing, but with deeper financial pockets.

    My question is what really is the key to happiness in life, having more time for pleasure, or having more money to enjoy this pleasure?

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