Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Less,

    We are in dangerous ground with this subject matter. Propriety prohibits one from discussing conquests of a sexual nature unless you have paid for same on the open market, and the partner is available to your "friend's friend" at similar rate. There is another avenue. When you are returning from the stream and stop for refreshment, you will likely have opportunity to use the urinal side by side. At that time an inquiry about the burning sensation may come up, or be apparent. This could lead the discussion to the suspected source of the situation.

    Even this course of action is not without risk. If you find you share the symptom, and the discussion reveals your assumptions correct, he may assume that his symptoms were passed to him from you via the shared partner. In that case, you should anticipate a negative reaction, and protect yourself accordingly. This may have an 'impact' on your friendship.

    Citori
  2. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    My neighbor's teenage daughter is off to college next year, and you know what that means: I'm going to have buy a much stronger telescope. Can you make any specific recommendations?:confused:
  3. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Eyestrain,

    What does her mom look like? Where is the daughter going to school?

    Celestron is always a good brand, but depending on your answers, you may not have to buy one, and I might...

    Citori
  4. IveofIone Active Member

    Posts: 3,051
    .
    Ratings: +1,064 / 0
    Dip, May I suggest 20 X 60 binoculars on a solid tripod rather than a telescope? Hand-held glasses won't cut it as your hands will be shaking too much given the subject matter. In addition, by using only one eye on the telescope the other eye will become very jealous and anxious to get a cut of the action. Be fair to your eyes and go stereo with the binocs. The monocular nature of the telescope and the squinting nature of the view through it is counter to want you really want: Both eyes open..... Wide.

    Happy viewing, BBI
  5. JS Active Member

    Posts: 853
    Ratings: +41 / 0
    What is it with us eastside boys and gohnarea? Or is it the Clap that makes the burning sensation? Hmmm.......vd in general it seems.
  6. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Pee Pee boy,

    Sheep.

    Citori
  7. Dick Warnke was Pram-Man

    Posts: 761
    Federal Way Wa
    Ratings: +2 / 0
    Dr. Citori, A recent article in the News sheds some doubt on your responce to Itchy Dog on the dangers of wanking or self abuse. Some members of the Medical Profession are taking the stand that "Spanking the Monkey" is good for Prostate health and lowering your chances of Prostate cancer. Here we all grew up with our Mother's screeming we're going to go blind now we're being told by the Medico's to spank away. Life is full of enough contradiction and confusion and now this. Who do you beleive the Doctors or your own Mother??? :confused:
  8. Be Jofus G Banned or Parked

    Posts: 2,051
    Washington
    Ratings: +53 / 0
    Dear Helpline.
    I was wondering if it would be possible to lower all urinal mounting heights 12 inches or maybe suggest that heated water be used universally .
  9. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Dick,

    Thank you for this timely and informative response. You are correct, from a medical standpoint, which reinforces my admonition to Wanker - "...wank away..." IF you don't mind the wind knots. To clarify, I was referring to wind knots in your leader, not your wiener.

    While beneficial to prostate health, it will nonetheless interfere with casting motion. As with many things, this can be addressed by a rigorous exercise and practice regimen. As my Dr. once told me, "Use it or lose it"

    Also, I am reminded of my friend Doug Erickson's three hard fast rules for life, which I find useful and which I will now share with my minions:
    1. Never pass up an opportunity to use the bathroom.
    2. Never assume it's just a fart.
    3. Never waste a hard on, even if you're by yourself.

    Words to live by.

    And, not to nitpick, but what mom actually said, when she caught us waxing the pole, was, "Don't do that or I will go blind."

    Citori
  10. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Shortie,

    Unfortunately, that will only help a few of you less well endowed. The rest of us will just have to continue to suffer the indignity of shallow cold water.

    For myself, I usually just lean back against the counter and launch the stream from across the room to avoid discomfort. This lends new meaning to the term "double haul".

    Citori



    P.S. It is written, "The first liar never has a chance."
  11. Itchy Dog Some call me Kirk Werner

    Posts: 3,729
    Doo-vall
    Ratings: +422 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    My doctor just told me I have the prostrate gland of an 18 year old. To celebrate, I'm taking Friday off and fishing the Yak. Will the wind be blowing?

    (no longer) Vacillatiing Virility
  12. earlsmith Member

    Posts: 499
    Seattle
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    I have a friend that really needs some sage advice....let me preface this by saying he must be of English decent and has an aversion to nymphs that can only be likened to his distaste for restrooms of the public variety.......(his imitation of the B52 standing bomber is a subject for an entirely different thread....)after numerous occasions of landing double digit numbers of fish from an upstream position of him, he would rather wait for the last light bite on a fly he can't see, than concede that maybe it might behoove him to seek a subsurface approach until he trusts his eyesight that yes indeed that was a rise form at "oh dark thirty".....Don't get me wrong, I will take the venerable $3 bet we always start with:
    $1 for first fish
    $1 for biggest fish
    $1 for most fish

    but for Rice Cakes, you would think he would learn?

    Signed

    should'nt complain about easy money.....
  13. earlsmith Member

    Posts: 499
    Seattle
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    ps: if there are unmistakable footprints on the toilet seat.........you have entered in the wake of said individual........
  14. Jim Wallace Smells like low tide

    Posts: 5,650
    Somewhere on the Coast
    Ratings: +540 / 0
    Dear Citori, As insightful a counselor as you have been to those of us in dire need of sound advice, I'm surprised that you did not pick up on the "dead skunk in the middle of the road" fact that if you re-arrange the letters of Dick Warnke's name (only slightly), it becomes Dick Wanker! :ray1:
  15. bhudda heffe'

    Posts: 1,946
    basement
    Ratings: +109 / 0
    OK I HAVENT EVEN GOT TO PAGE 2,3,OR 4 YET BUT YOU GOT ME ROLLIN' CITORI, I LOOK FORWARD TO PAGES 2,3,AND 4. OH,AND I HAVE NO PROBLEMS SO GOOD LUCK WITH THE REST! :)
  16. Dick Warnke was Pram-Man

    Posts: 761
    Federal Way Wa
    Ratings: +2 / 0
    Thats cold Jim....Really cold....:eek: :eek:
  17. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Vacillating,

    You have the prostate of an 18 year old, why would you be worried about wind? Besides, if it is, just look at your phone and have a wank until the wind abates. You have the best of both worlds.

    Citori
  18. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Jimbo,

    Of course I realized that. Propriety and decency prevented me from stooping so low to pick up that grounder. (Translation: Damn, I wish I had thought of that one...see post #3)

    It is of somewhat questionable taste that one would pretend to take advantage of someone's name for the purpose of a cheap laugh. Imagine what indignity our esteemed colleague Les Johnson must have suffered in the aftermath of the John Wayne Bobbitt incident...

    Citori
  19. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,200
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +116 / 0
    Dear Earl,

    Forgive me, I have tried my best to pen answer to your obviously heartfelt question, but the mental image now burned into my cerebral cortex of a "B52 standing bomber" prevents me from formulating cogent thought. Perhaps later.

    In the interim, I would suggest you take his money, match it with your own and start a saving account to accumulate funds to augment the counseling sessions he will undoubtedly soon need.

    By the way, just exactly how did you come to know so much about your friend's bathroom habits in public rest rooms? On second thought, you should keep your money - counseling is most assuredly indicated for both of you sick individuals. It sounds like his "nymphing" technique is well refined, and he has definitely landed the biggest one...!

    Citori
  20. Nate Dutton I'm a teacher, I fish to eat!

    Posts: 790
    Kiana, AK
    Ratings: +2 / 0
    :rofl::rofl:iagreeiagree now thats funny right there! no offense Les.