Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Itchy Dog

    Itchy Dog Some call me Kirk Werner

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    Dear Citorus,

    While I don't have a Browning, I am Lord and Master to a fine Italian lass by the name of Beretta. When you break open your sweet little mistress to insert a new load, do you ever run your finger over the firing pin just to make sure all is well?

    Just curious.

    Over & Under
     
  2. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear O/U,

    Of course, you already know the answer to that question. Nothing more satisfying to feel her go off with your touch...

    Citori
     
  3. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Readers, fans, others,

    That old sonofabitch cancer has taken up residence in my ladyfriend's Dad. He, and a bunch of chemicals are waging a valiant battle, but it is taking a hard toll on him. This is #4 for him. He has survived colon cancer twice, but the chemicals and treatments for those are likely responsible for the cancer he finds in his lymph nodes now. It is supposed to be "curable" but the cure is almost as bad as the disease. So family stuff takes us away for today and the weekend. The Dr. is out...returning in a few short days.

    Make no rash decisions, take no unnecessary risks, drink no bad beer, don't wade deeper than the change in your pocket, and let your waders dry...

    Citori
     
  4. Jim Wallace

    Jim Wallace Smells like low tide

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    Citori, I hope all goes well with your ladyfriend's dad, and that he makes it thru this bout OK. Sounds like a tough old guy. Somehow, it seems that winners keep on winning. Good luck!
     
  5. Dipsnort

    Dipsnort New Member

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    Not to worry, or so I thought since I had been using that toothpaste with the so-called "maximum cavity protection" religiously. Well let me tell you, that's nothing but marketing BS!!:mad:

    Just a thought. Now that I'm stuck in the "pokey"....wait, I don't like that term anymore...the "slammer"....oh jeez, not sure I like that one either. Ok, now that I'm in jail, would someone please consider sending me a cake with a file it it? 'Cause I really like cake.:D
     
  6. Nate Dutton

    Nate Dutton I'm a teacher, I fish to eat!

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    Wait citori is gone? ohhh man I just know i gonna get crabs this weekend without the moral guidence of our leader.....Dangit not again :(
     
  7. Dipsnort

    Dipsnort New Member

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    I don't know about you but around my place crab season seems to occur about once a month. My wife found this commentary to be less humorous than I, which I can only take to mean that crab season is currently open. It's gonna be a long week.:rofl:
     
  8. Paul Huffman

    Paul Huffman Lagging economic indicator

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    Best thread since Bob Lawless shoved off. I bow in your general direction, Citori.
     
  9. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Crabbed,

    Taking a few minutes off from visiting to check in. Don't want to miss any emergencies, and it sounds like this one might be an emergency in the making. As we all know, if momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy. This would be a good weekend to, uh, do anything outside, but not outside shouting distance. If you have a "man cave", this would be a great weekend to tackle repair projects - hint, if something isn't broken, break it, or claim it is broken - that require your undivided attention in your man cave. Between ball games on the radio or TV, you can also justify a trip or two to Home Depot or Ace Hardware. The key is to not be off the radar screen, just on the very edge of the radar screen so that when you do show up, you don't get hammered for being gone.

    This is a delicate balance, but you can do it. Believe me, you have ample motivation to succeed. Keep us posted on your progress. You have our best wishes for success...

    Citori

    PS. Vern is having a pretty good day, but is very weak. He couldn't take a case of the crabs...
     
  10. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Pokey,

    Having some second hand experience for your situation, I can tell you that any "gifts" will be x-rayed, and file cake, while tasty, is unlikely to make it past the metal detector or the guards. The only way to get a file in to you will be via mule...which brings up a problem of a different sort.

    How about it gang? Anyone willing to step up and take one for your teammate? All you have to do is pay him a visit and smuggle a file, or hack saw blade to him in a convenient body cavity...

    Citori
     
  11. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Jimbo,

    For the record, I f**king hate cancer. I have had it once, Vern's had it three times, it took my mom and my friend Jim. I have nothing good to say about it.

    Vern is a fighter, and he's already beaten the odds. He is not only tough, he keeps on smiling. Being around him makes me appreciate what I have, and frankly takes my patience away for some of the snivelling and whining we all run into from time to time.

    The thing we all forget is that all we have only this moment we are in right now, this minute - our memories of past moments - and the hope that we have another moment coming along behind this one. There are no guarantees for any more. So, the challenge is to live life for right now, but don't mess things up so bad now that if you do get some tomorrows, they won't already be messed up. All things considered, life is a good alternative.

    A couple of words of free advice. If you care about someone in your life, tell them so. Don't pass up opportunities to let them know you care.

    The second piece of free advice is if you are over 40, or if you have any history of cancer in your family, GET A COLONOSCOPY!!! Ask your Dr. about it. It is nothing to be afraid of, it doesn't hurt, and it will not only diagnose, it is preventative as well. Colon cancer is the one you can beat, if you catch it soon enough.

    I have spake it thus.:ray1:

    End of sermon, stepping off soapbox now...

    Citori
     
  12. Dustin Bise

    Dustin Bise Active Member

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    Dear Citori,

    I have not combed my hair in about a year and a half. The upside is i have a great built in fly box on my head, but ticks seem to be a problem for me. What sort of protection should i seek? I can't decide on bandana, hats, masks, etc. Thanks.
     
  13. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear loner,

    Old basque sheepherders swear by drinking water from sulfur hot springs. Claim it works perfectly. Of course, the only thing they are interested in being close to are their sheep...

    What exactly is it that you are seeking protection from? If it is human beings, I think you are there... By the way, if a fly has legs, wings, and it is still moving, that is no longer fly fishing, that is bait fishing.

    Citori
     
  14. scottflycst

    scottflycst Active Member

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    Citori,
    I'm loading my truck getting ready for tomorrow's fishing trip. Question-
    Is the anticipation of going fishing more fun than the actual fishing experience itself?
     
  15. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Anticipation:

    Depends on your thoughts about foreplay. I'd say different, not more or less.

    Citori
     
  16. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    OK, we are back home. Vern had his electrolytes all screwed up which was affecting his memory and attitude, but they seem to have gotten in front of that, and he was smiling by this afternoon again. Still weak, but smiling.

    My buddy Mike buried his dad Saturday. F**king Alzheimer's. The outsides look the same, but it wasn't dad inside that didn't know Mike at the end.

    As we were driving over the pass from Ellensburg, I passed a pickup pulling a little 12' smokercraft on a trailer. There were a couple of old timers inside who had obviously spent more than just today dragging spinners or flatfish together. Mikey and I have had the talk, before we let f**king alzheimer's or that old sonofabitch cancer get one of us, the other is going to initiate one last fishing trip, and only one of us is going to make the trip back home. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy, much less my best friend, but I hope I am not the one making that last trip home alone. If I am, I will be sad, but I won't let that old sonofabitch cancer or f**king alzheimers do to my friend what they did to my mom, or to his dad - because he has asked me not to.

    I'm back in town, if anyone has an issue, let's here it. I don't want to spend any more time thinking about f**king alzheimers or that old sonofabitch cancer.

    Let's have some fun if you're up for it. The Dr. is in.
     
  17. Nate Dutton

    Nate Dutton I'm a teacher, I fish to eat!

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    On a personal not I lost my grandpa to alzheimers last year, it is one hell of a disease. Didn't know friend or family in the end. But as far as he was concerned he was still 14 years old and told me how he just got done riding his bike down to the spokane river and floating grasshoppers down it, and how he swears he hooked a fish so big he was glad he didn't land it because he didn't think he could ride his bike home with that fish! :) Hell of a way to go, well the only good thing is that you meet new people every day :) that was about the only joke that kept the family sane through the ordeal. Best wishes to the family.

    P.S. I managed to dodge the crabs while you were gone..I just said " Hey Nate, WWDCD?"(what would Dr. Citori do?) and not sleep with the burner was the answer! Crisis avoided......barely!
     
  18. Snake

    Snake tryin' not to get too comfortable

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    Dr. Clitori,

    I get so angry about the way we abuse this planet, our home, this warm speck of verdant green in a vast cosmos of dark black and deep cold. The way we consistently and selfishly screw the critters and plants we share it with makes the veins in my temples throb. I incessantly ruminate about how we live so radically different than we did for hundreds of thousands of years, so out of balance, so completely koyaanisqatsi, with our gas-hog SUVs and greenhouse emissions and plastic garbage bags that dot the roadside shrubbery like noxious year-round Christmas ornaments.

    My friends (those that still admit to being so, anyway) are sick and tired of my rants. Those with children can't get behind my zero-population-growth philosophy (too late!). The ones who commute 4 hours a day pretend to support my decision to live a mile from work, so I can walk or take a bus easily, but they never miss a chance to point out how good "life in the country" is. (The housing market meltdown has reinforced my decision to rent and not buy, but I try not to carp about it.) No matter how 'green' I live my life, it's never good enough for them.

    And worse yet, when I tried to helpfully suggest some constructive solutions to our elected officials, it fell on deaf ears. Well, actually, they didn't completely ignore me. After I sent that letter to the National Institutes of Health outlining a plan for the construction and distribution of a human-specific virus that would kill 90% of mankind, I got some visitors (in non-eco-friendly flak jackets!) at 4 am one morning, and spent some time on "vacation", while they checked me out. From what I could see from behind the razor wire, the beaches at Gitmo have some good surf casting!

    Maybe if I really went through with it, they would finally see I mean business, and I can walk my talk. I mean a full-on self-supported zero-carbon-balance trip through the inland forests of the Coast range, all the way from Seattle to Ketchikan, seeing first-hand the clear-cuts juxtaposed to the last known refuge of the BC Sasquatch. I could document it all on a streaming video blog, while I dropped a steaming Texan log (after a stimulating cup of shade-grown, organic, free-trade, gender/religion-neutral coffee).

    But no. I couldn't document it on video, or bring any kind of modern technology along, or even coffee. The only way I could really drive the point home, and justify my morally- and environmentally-superior existence, is to do it completely naked, and live off the land as I went, just like we did for hundreds of thousands of years of our existence. Sure, the chances of me actually surviving such a journey would be miniscule (one-star-in-the-universe-supporting-life miniscule), but hey, anything's possible, isn't it, if you just put your back to it, and give 'er the good-old American can-do attitude?

    Plus, if I actually did make it, and wasn't completely crippled, or driven mad, or forced to be a sex-slave by the last remaining female BC Sasquatch, I would have crazy bragging rights. I wouldn't use my new-found power to stick out my tongue at my environmentally-retarded friends, and say "Neener, neener, neener, I told you we can live that way!". Hell no. I would tell my story on Oprah (especially if I hooked up with a Sasquatch). I would sell a million books. Then I would get a place in the Bahamas (for bone-fishing), and maybe Sun Valley (for skiing in the winter), with a Lear jet and a crew of servants (illegals, probably, they're cheaper, I hear), and live the American Dream I've always heard about, rollin' way more posh than my fucknut friends. That would be sweet ironic justice.

    So, here's my question:

    My girlfriend is getting fat. Should I dump her and find a new hot chick, or close my eyes and pretend?
     
  19. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear clearly delusional,

    Oprah is not your girlfriend.

    You should get couselling- but of course, that's why you are here, isn't it?

    See my earlier reply to Bent in Duville - "If your girlfriend doesn't want to see your rod, fly or otherwise, you need to drop her like a hot rock. Find one that appreciates a full wells grip." Once you get your head right, the girlfriend thing will sort itself out with fishing, girlfriend and the earth taking their proper places in the order and sequence of your life. Until you get off the granola, you will continue to find your taste turning to women with long straw hair, flowing wool skirts, Birkenstock's, unshaven legs, underarms and elsewhere who drive Subaru wagons with angry bumper stickers.

    Citori
     
  20. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear quick thinker,

    It was close. The only potential flaw I can see in your course of action, for future reference, is you have no control over how the beast awakes. If you feel the ground shake and hear the gravel in her voice wondering where the hell you were last night, you will know the gambit failed. If possible, make sure the bed appears as though you were in it for a time, and then you can assert that you left in the night so as to not disturb her much needed rest. That usually works.

    If you haven't yet built yourself a "man cave", you are beginning to see the reason the rest of us have...

    Citori
     

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