Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    I bet my mom wouldn't have written me out of her will for being an unemployed loser if she had known how good I'd eventually become at Donkey Kong. But anyway, on to my question...

    I've almost finished the hot new single for my soon-to-go-platinum rap album, but I just need a few more rhymes. Can you help me out with some cool rhymes for "living in my parents' house" or "compulsive bed-wetter"?:confused:

    P.S. Know what I'm going to do with all that money to insure financial security? Well, my retirement advisor said it's hard to beat CDs for reasonable returns with little risk, so I going to sink it in as many cases of "Milli Vanilli's Greatest Hits" CD's as possible. Woo-hoo! Retirement, here I come!:)
  2. wadin' boot Donny, you're out of your element...

    Posts: 2,043
    Wallingford, WA
    Ratings: +1,613 / 0

    citori, I have freelanced rhymes before and will do so for flies...how bout this for 'snort:

    "Living in my parents' house is killa
    cos they got ice cream called vanilla

    (insert sample of vanilla ice's "ice ice baby" or alternatively the Mercury Bowie "under pressure" riff)

    turn me from a compulsive bed wetta
    to an international jet setta"

    Now send me the flies.

    Boot
  3. Jim Wallace Smells like low tide

    Posts: 5,663
    Somewhere on the Coast
    Ratings: +544 / 0
    Boot, you can do better than that first one. The second example is not bad, and much better than any critic could produce, but i think you can even top that. I must interject my plea to Dr Citori to withhold the flies until you can come up with something that is up to par with your usual top shelf creativity. Maybe its just the "low pressure" that is affecting your game, but I am not impressed.:ray1:

    ps: I'm trying out for the role of judge on American Idol, shooting to replace Simon. How am I doing?
  4. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear Woo-Hoo,

    Washington Mutual's billboard slogan that went up right before their $1.2 billion first quarter loss announcement was "Woo Hoo" Wamu. I think there is little coincidence that your name came up in context with another semi-bankrupt group. While I am neither a rap or rhyme aficionado, I can recognize bankruptcy when I see it.

    The following may or may not qualify, but there is a message that may resonate...

    I know that I'm a compulsive bed wetter, but when they changed the locks they made them better, and I can't climb back in 'cause they glued the windows together. I lived with Mom and Dad till their faces got redder, now I live 'neath a bridge til I see better weather, then I'll hit the road - it's gotta get better. It can't get worse, so it's gotta get better.

    As for CD's, the dropping discount and prime rates have caused the bottom to drop out of the CD market, I would look at a shift back into equities with a hedge on bonds or utilities paying dividends above about 4%.

    Boot, the flies is in the mail...

    Citori
  5. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear Jimbo,

    We have never run short on critics on the board, but the field is crowded. Perhaps in Obama-esque fashion, you will emerge as the front runner... Who knows, maybe Boot will be your Rev. Wright.

    Re: flies, and advice - you don't get much for a nickel.

    Citori
  6. Tylerflies New Member

    Posts: 116
    Bellingham, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    I have been reluctant to tell others of this problem and have been hideing it with careful lies. Perhaps you can help. All the steelhead I have ever caught have been puney. What do I have to put on my flies to attract the big ones? I have tried a number of scents but to no avail. Only small, wimpy steelhead for me. Is this a Karma problem, a problem of the wrong scent, or is my rod to small? Everybody else catches big ones, and they look so happy. Please help, my ego is deflateing after ever trip to the river.

    Sincerely,

    SmellyfliesNW
  7. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear Smelly,

    The first thing you must do is to read the first Dear Citori post by jobyksu, and the response. Therein lies a portion of your problem. Secondly, you should recognize that as you employ this well known tactic, and you actually begin to believe your own BS, you will become less enamored of the actual fish you catch, realizing that you can simply invent the result you wish others and yourself to believe.

    When you have reached this critical step, the fish gods will realize that you are no longer distressed by catching small fish, and they will begin to leave you alone, "unattended" as it were. At that point, they will quit running larger fish away from your flies and you will begin to catch the 16 lb. to 24 lb. fish that most of the rest of us are used to catching.

    As for seeing other's fish...you need to pay serious attention. Are their fish real? Sadly, there are places to buy inflatable steelhead replicas which are often used by those less scrupulous colleagues who simply are not satisfied with regaling others with 'stories' of success, and have to have tangible "evidence". You will uncover this obvious deception when you attempt to touch, hold or hoist the catch with your own hands. Anyone who says you can't take their caught specimen home to weight it and examine it yourself, is, simply put, a dirty liar. While not everyone else falls into this category, some do... Forewarned is forearmed.

    Citori

    PS. Citori is not afraid to reveal secrets. Those of you using "EgoFish" and "Blow Trout" to name a couple of the more well known replicas, and you know who you are, have not been fooling anyone but yourself. It was a young lady in a tavern some years ago that pointed this out to me, and she was equally quick to point out that not only was the inflated item used to ehnance egos streamside, the offending parties usually were not reluctant to attempt to use the deflated, rolled version of the same down the front of the levi's for ego enhancement indoors as well. Tsk tsk...
  8. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    I am a professional Contemporary Anthropological Interactive Observer by trade, but in court they keep using the term "Stalker". What don't they understand about the work I do?:confused:
  9. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear pervert,

    It is intuitively obvious that the court has a thorough and complete understanding of the "work" you do. We would suggest you confine your "interaction" to contemporary salmonid anthropology. Also, it may just be me, but to some, the terms 'interactive' and 'observer' are mutually exclusive, which would impact not only your work, but your legal counsel as well.

    If I might suggest you be on the lookout for my soon to be published book, "I'm OK, You are Really Screwed Up"

    Citori
  10. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    Thank you for your kind offer but I have to tell you, the last thing I need in my house is another book. You see, they moved the Library of Congress into my living room and now I don't have room for my TV. What the heck do they expect me to do all day? I gotta tell ya, if idle hands are the Devil's workshop, I must be the Devil's Home Depot by now.:rofl:
  11. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear bookworm,

    You win, I'm done.:rofl:

    Citori
  12. CoastalCutt Member

    Posts: 547
    North Bend, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,
    This weekend I want badly to go to Omak Lake and chase Lahontans, but dad wants to take the bass boat and gear and go fish Smallmouth at Banks. He is not a fly fisherman, and I have had this Omak trip planned for a long while now. We don't get to spend as much time together these days. What should I do, go rip some bass lips on crank baits, or go pitch buggers and stay true to the fly?
  13. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear Cutt,

    Rip the lips...you will have way too much time to chase the Lahontans alone later...

    I know it's not a funny response, this one hits a little too close to home.

    Citori
  14. CoastalCutt Member

    Posts: 547
    North Bend, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Well, thanks anyways, I realized any time with pops regardless of what it is is priceless.
  15. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    Why isn't life were more like a musical, so when people like you and I burst into song at the bus stop, others wouldn't stare at us? Don't you think It might also make them more inclined to learn the chorus and the dance numbers? :confused:
  16. Citori Piscatorial Engineer

    Posts: 1,208
    Federal Way, WA
    Ratings: +121 / 0
    Dear tenacious,

    It's been done...http://www.thedailytube.com/video/691/free-hugs

    PS Citori doesn't do bus stops...

    Citori
  17. Dipsnort New Member

    Posts: 351
    Auburn, WA
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    If I'm going to Hell anyway, why should it matter if it's in a handbasket?:rofl:
  18. fredaevans Active Member

    Posts: 3,131
    White City, Oregon, USA.
    Ratings: +124 / 0
  19. Coasty New Member

    Posts: 5
    North Yorkshire England
    Ratings: +0 / 0
    Dear Citori

    I have been drawn to your from the above forum and have a "friend" who has a problem of some delicacy that he hopes you may be able to offer some advise on,,,,,

    Recently he has noticed that his rod is not quite as stiff and capable as it used to be. It works fine when he is fishing new venues and seems to be able hit the target with some finesse and to coax many responses, however when he returns to fish the same small stream that he has fished for the last 30 years he no longer seems to be able to cover the water effectively, that small stream of years ago seems to have widened and slowed over the years and does not have the appeal of years gone by. He is considering the use of more new venues but is concerned that may result in damage to his tackle. He would value your opinion ……

    Desperate of England
  20. Dustin Bise Active Member

    Posts: 3,088
    509
    Ratings: +7 / 0
    Dear Citori,

    why did my local ski hill close 1 month PRIOR to fishing season? They still have alot of snow! These activities are supposed to overlap, so i have at least 1 week where i go crazy because i do not know if i should snowboard or fish.