Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Fred,

    I was not aware... While gratified, I confess to feeling some discomfort in the limelight. And you have no idea of the distress I am experiencing watching the melt down and ultimate demise of my friend Snake. Clearly he is involved in an abusive and destructive relationship which my advice could not and I fear cannot remedy.

    What the hell, it doesn't seem to bother that "medical charlatan" Dr. Phil.

    Citori
     
  2. Itchy Dog

    Itchy Dog Some call me Kirk Werner

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    Dear Citori,

    As you well know, last night American Idol said goodbye to Brooke, the insecure blonde with narrow hips and a whiskey voice. Personally I would much rather have seen the little white-bread Mouseketeer-esque kid or the whimpy-voiced dreadlocked dude axed, but apparently America thought differently. I didn't think it would bother me this much, but to say that this morning I woke up in a bit of a funk would be a gross understatement. Can't even seem to muster up the gumption to get dressed or go to work. If this dark cloud of despair doesn't clear soon, I may find myself selling all my fishing gear. I mean, what's the point? Without Brooke, I just feel like a burned-out nutshell of my former self.

    I know you can't bring her back, but maybe you can offer some inspiration to see me through my gloom.

    Broken over Brooke in the Boondocks
     
  3. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Desparate,

    Ahhh, the age old dilemma rears its nasty head once again. It is a difficult issue. The tackle is attuned, as it were, to the old stream, but is unlikely to meet the challenge of the new "venue". Attempts to test same will undoubtedly result in damage to his equipment, but may well end in having his tackle and wallet being forcibly removed through a bodily orifice much too small and tender for its comfortable passage. The end of the endeavor will likely be loss of not only the old venue, but a distaste for some time of any new venues as well. (I confess to speaking from some level of hard won personal experience at this point)

    My best advice it to do some exploring. While the old channel has widened and slowed as is predictable, that is no reason not to explore a previously untried side channel. There may be some resistance at first, but the "end" justifies the means. The channel may appear too small, and even dirty at first, but if you are persistent, this new channel may well provide hours of enjoyment not only for the old tackle, but for the old venue as well. A word of warning - if the previously unexplored side channel works out, you may find yourself preferring that to the excolusion of the main channel. Also, there is the very real possibility that exploration of the side channel may result in loss of access to the main channel as well.

    Either way, you aren't going to get a permit to improve the main channel, or to do further exploration...

    Citori
     
  4. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Broken,

    I share your pain. I hate it when something is put forward as one thing, and you find only later that it is something entirely different. I had similar funk when the Irish lass and the Georgie Aussie were shown the door. However, you do have to be aware that in the end, this contest, like life, has nothing at all to do with talent, it is a popularity contest!

    In the end, Brooke's hemline was just too close to the floor. That little slut Syesha continues to display herself in new and imaginative ways, and that is no doubt what has kept her in. And dreadlocks boy?? Puh leeze....

    Myself, I keep watching Bruce Willis movies simply for the fact that I know in my heart that I will get to see the moment of his painful and violent demise in one of them. I keep watching Idol to be able to see the look in the Mouseketeer's eyes when they drop him like a booger flicked from the end of a finger in preference of someone, anyone he perceives as less talented than himself. Sweet validation!

    I fear both have about the same likelihood of happening.

    My advice? Watch Top Chef instead.

    Citori
     
  5. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear crazy,

    Haven't you heard, snow is now listed as endangered, and now protected, alongside most of the fish we pursue. You should expect skiing season to go the way of our fish runs and seasons...fewer runs, more down time. I hear they are going to allow commercial harvest of the snow, however, and you will soon be able to buy it for $29.00/lb. in your local market.

    Citori
     
  6. Dipsnort

    Dipsnort New Member

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    Dear Citori,

    Why have you failed to answer my previous question. And why oh why has the really great smily of the guy shrugging his shoulders changed to this lame one?:confused:
     
  7. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Lame One,

    There are a number of answers...

    1. Your creativity and imagination tax my abilities
    2. One might infer some sort of troll, and like many old wizened fish, I decline to rise to the bait.
    3. If I throw a stick, will you go away?
    4. I mistook your first response as a rhetorical question. As a rhetorical question, it's pretty good, thus doesn't require a response, it stands on its own.
    5. Citori doesn't do handbaskets or bus stops.
    6. You are not only getting to me, you are getting to yourself.
    7. I am afraid I might become the subject of your urban interactive observation anthropology.

    The list goes on...see any you like yet?

    Citori
     
  8. Coasty

    Coasty New Member

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    Dear Citori

    Thankyou for your response my "friend" viewed it and with renewed enthusiasm left the office early today to catch the evening "rise" sadly on approaching the familiar stream with vigour and from a new direction he was barred by the stream keeper apparently hidden in the small print is a total exclusion of the feeder streams and side channels and any attempt to access them is deemed to be a most severe indiscretion.

    This is punishable by withdrawel of all fishing rights and is considered a form of poaching. Further indescretions can result in confiscation of the members tackle. The river keeper has also informed my friend that he needs to keep his fly box shut apart from when fishing the club water and also the contents need to be tidied up as there has been a decline in quality in recent years. Although still casting an eye towards new pastures he has decided that the risk of exploration is to great.

    Thankyou for your advise

    Desperate of England
     
  9. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear England,

    Citori is of the belief that rules only apply to those who agree to be bound by them, and for the most part are made to be broken. How else would we have found out that the grass is indeed greener on the other side of the fence? But I digress.

    It is certainly not unanticipated that there would be fine print, and prohibitions in place. One must consider WHY the prohibitions are in place...which leads to the inescapable conclusion that there is something of great value and pleasure to be prohibited from. The "aha" moment!

    As with all worthwhile endeavors, it is to be expected that the reward will not come without risk, hard work, and perseverance. This frames both the challenge and the reward.

    My first tact, were I in your friend's position, would be to first endeavor to ply the streamkeeper with good whiskey, perhaps an obscure single malt. Gifts of a specific nature should also be considered, and even an intimate evening repast wherein certain past indiscretions or other critical information might be induced to be revealed. Your friend must first secure the trust and respect of the streamkeeper before he exploits it for his own personal gain. As it was said earlier, the "end" justifies the means.

    It is the difficulty of achievement that is the measure of the goal.

    Carry on.

    Citori
     
  10. Paul Huffman

    Paul Huffman Lagging economic indicator

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    At this point, should I fish or cut bait?
    [​IMG]
     
  11. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Greetings friends, colleagues and others,

    This post marks response #150 since my first half-assed "Dear Citori" thread starter, and is an interesting milepost, certainly one I never anticipated. I am particularly gratified that someone chose to bestow the coveted 5 star review on it. This has been a bucket of fun, and I want to thank all of you who responded in that spirit, and to others who found it interesting if not entertaining reading.

    While I don't get out to wet a line much any more, I do appreciate this community and the friends I have made on line who I will likely never meet in person. This is a small way to give back, and I am pleased to do so.

    Dr. Citori is going back in the closet. While I can be summoned at any time, and will respond with my unique and particularly singular brand of "advice" (and I use the term loosely) when requested, it does appear that my work here has reached a "plateau", as it were.

    The Dr. is out.
    View attachment 14052
    Citori.
     
  12. Snake

    Snake tryin' not to get too comfortable

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    Thanks, Dr. Citori, for all the love and goodness you have sown here, on this rocky little patch of hopelessness and despair.

    For one sweet moment in time, you made me (and all of us!) feel wanted, and valued.

    You were our best friend, a shoulder to lean on, and a sparkle-horse fetish, all in one.

    We'll miss you, and we hope we can still be friends.

    p.s. We're still looking into that whole privileged-client-doctor-abusive-relationship thing. Our lawyers will be contacting you.
     
  13. MrP

    MrP Member

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    Dear Dr. Clitori,

    I don't need any advice; at least not today. I know the office is closed but I just wanted to say that after reading all of these posts it's very impressive that you never rubbed anyone the wrong way. :thumb:
     
  14. David Loy

    David Loy Senior Moment

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    Remarkable. 8 pages and no fist fights.
    Doctor knows how to rub people the RIGHT way. :thumb:
     
  15. MrP

    MrP Member

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    Yup. :thumb:
     
  16. Coasty

    Coasty New Member

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    Dear Doc

    My friend has asked me to convey his heartfelt thanks for your advise. He will contact you when he is discharged from the hospital.

    Regards

    Desperate...
     

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