(NFR) Significant others: fishing related friction

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by GreenButt, Apr 23, 2004.

  1. Jerry Daschofsky

    Jerry Daschofsky Moderator Staff Member

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    LOL. Love this thread.

    Well, I'm quite happily divorced now. And loving life because of it. I married one of those "I'm this way before we're married, but the real me comes out after the band is on the hand". I had a driftboat, a couple whitewater catarafts, hunting/fishing rig (and had a commuter type car), and tons of fishing/hunting gear. I was ALWAYS hunting and fishing. ALWAYS! I spent at least 200+ days a year doing them combined (some I actually fished while on hunting trips). She even asked to go fishing with me a few times while dating, and she saw how hardcore I was about it. She didn't ever want to go hunting, she thought that was barbaric. LOL.

    The problems happened after we got married. I PURPOSELY cut back on my hunting and fishing so I could spend more time with her. I mean SERIOUSLY cut back on it. Guess what? She still screamed to high heaven anytime I wanted to go out hunting or fishing. So, I looked at my options, and decided to cut out my hunting. CUT IT ALL THE WAY OUT!!! So, was down to maybe fishing 50 days a year. She STILL complained. And if I wanted to spend money on buying any new gear, forget it. But spending on her was fine (of course lol). Then, whenever I went fishing, I went with my Dad in his boats. So sold off my driftboat and trail 90 (biggest mistake in my life and cuss it to this day). Didn't satisfy her. Sold off a couple of my whitewater catarafts and only kept one (not including my then outcasts I had). Did that help? Nope. Still complained. Mind you, by this time we had kids. I was the primary caregiver, though I worked fulltime (why I have full custody of them to this day). I suffered 7 VERY long years married to her (and suffer doesn't come near describing it). Worse thing of all, I tried to get her involved (though she claimed to love to fish while we were dating). Her main concern was my paychecks, and she well spent those.

    But in end, I won. In court, she tried to get half the worth of my fishing gear, boats I had left, etc. Guess what? All of it except a couple rods I had bought before we were married. She got a big whopping $0 worth out of my gear. Kept house, cars, and kids. Have a girlfriend who loves to fish, and wants me to teach her to hunt (she's been pissy, since she has to wait for me to heal before we can go). Much happier now. :thumb
     
  2. papafsh

    papafsh Piscatorial predilection

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    Well I've been married for 43 years now and I can tell you guys that it is much easier at this end of the game.

    We raised 4 kids and went through all the usual ups and downs. In those earlyyears I managed to do quite a bit of fishing because it was all C&K and added to the food resources. We mostly lived out in the country so hunting and fishing were just part of life.

    My wife never took to anything related to the outdoors, but man she knows how to cook and keep a home!

    Now that it's just the two of us, I don't have any problems getting out. I have always been an early riser, my wife has always liked to sleep late so that makes it real easy tp fish 1/2 days any weekend without conflict.

    Life is good!

    LB
     
  3. Peter Pancho

    Peter Pancho Active Member

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    .. I hear you guys on the gas, geeez 2.02 a gallon for Shell regular!!!??? and I hear its gonna get up to 2.50 by summers end. I hate having my fav rivers be 2-3 hrs away. My wife sure said it right by saying I would pay for it by buying a 4Runner which takes over 30.00 now to fill up. Now thinkin' bout' getting a 90' Honda Civic to survive this Gas-hike... humm wonder if it can pull my Clack?

    Peter ><>

    Mark 12:30-31
     
  4. Matt Burke

    Matt Burke Active Member

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    I am probably not the one to be giving advice as I’ve been divorced twice now. My last having gotten the good housekeeping seal from the judge last August. One of the main sticklers my ex kept coming up with was that my going fishing all the time and abandoning her, caused her to turn to cocaine and an abusive boyfriend while we were still married. Whatever, but I can’t believe how many fish I’ve caught since leaving the “Mill Creek Crack Whore.”

    Couples forget that before they were a couple, they used to be individuals. It is what attracted them to begin with. Then as they grow together, they endeavor to become one person, forgetting what made them unique to begin with. This becomes even more apparent with the arrival of children. The children will refer to mommy daddy, as one unit. For them, they are the same person. Most couples seem to accept and reinforce this themselves until it’s too late.

    Strong couples that stay together are the couples that allow each other to be individuals. One can fish while the other shops or whatever. Even though they are apart, they are still together emotionally and respect the others individuality without worry. They remain emotionally bonded.

    Every individual needs his/her time, their work time and the time spent with your mate. How one balances this is the true test of character. A give and take between mates without keeping score.

    I have been very lucky to have found a new mate who shares my love of the water and the outdoors. Eighty percent of all trips, she is right there with me. There are times we have been on the river with our rods at our side, just holding hands and not saying a word. Not doing anything, but living the moment. Watching the river, the dippers, eagles, fish rising and listening. Then there are the times we are not together all day, but she is never far from my thoughts or I hers.

    I’m very happy, but seem to be at a loss for helping someone else get what I have. Maybe it is just a matter of going through the school of hard knocks and dealing with it. This isn’t a class you can take in school. I had to live and learn. Finding Tammy took 43 years.

    Matt Burke
     
  5. LadyBug

    LadyBug New Member

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    You poor guys! When I met my guy, I was suspicious he was after me for my fly's.... yes, I tie flys, had my own gear and was a fly fisher before we met about 4 years ago.
    We are fishing partners, not to say he never goes without me, but when he calls to tell me "honey...you wouldn't believe the trout I just caught" my first thought is, drat! Wonder what bug he was using and why didn't I go!!
    There are some of us out there, and some that would probably enjoy it if they tried. I started just to have fun, and I still am!
    LB ;)
     
  6. Mike Wade

    Mike Wade Member

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    I hope your guy knows how lucky he is.
     
  7. saltchuck

    saltchuck New Member

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    I'm fortunate enough to have a wife and daughter who understand my affliction. A few years ago I suggested lessons so they could get an idea of what this flinging of fur and feathers was all about. We booked a 1/2 day on a pay lake in late May which I just happened to recall was about the time of onset of the adult dragonfly season for that particular lake........ To make a long story short - anything blue and thin dropped on the water that day didn't just produce a strike but an explosion. We even had fish coming out of the water and taking the fly on the way down on one occasion!

    I told them that was some of the best dry fly fishing I've ever experienced on a lake and that it's not always like this. But they were stoked and kept at it over the next few months despite having nowhere near the size or numbers of fish we had that first day.

    Now they go with me whenever they can but if they aren't able to come, they at least understand and want to hear all about my trip when I come home. The biggest problem is that my daughter is becoming a better caster than I am and my wife can just plain out-fish me!:beathead
     
  8. lotech joe

    lotech joe New Member

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    GreenButt,
    Sounds to me like you may need to find a new mermaid. REE May have the world's best! Make me happy, and I'll make you happy is the oldest sales pitch, but for some reason it still works today. I can't answer your dilema because I'm most likely in the same boat as you. I feel for you.
    REE! Are you going to be at the CWFI '04, sponsored by FAOL? If so, I'll see you there.
    Lotech Joe:thumb
     
  9. Kent Lufkin

    Kent Lufkin Remember when you could remember everything?

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    It's been said that men marry women hoping they'll never change but women marry men hoping they will.
     
  10. Ron Eagle Elk

    Ron Eagle Elk Active Member

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    Lotech, Yup, me and the other half will both be there. This is her first shot at big fish, so getting her hooked up is my first priority. Looking forward to metting up with you.

    REE
     
  11. LeakyTiki

    LeakyTiki Member

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    "Today she met me at the door, said I would have to choose, if I picked that fishing pole today, she'd be packing all her things and she'd be gone by noon....well I'm gonna miss her when I get home tonight. Right now I'm on this lake shore, and I'm sitting in the sun! I'm sure it'll hit me when I walk thru that door tonight. Yeah, I'm gonna miss her. Oh lookie there, I gotta bite!" - Brad Paisley;-)
     
  12. Big K1

    Big K1 Large Member

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    I have been married for over 9 years and fishing is about the only thing my wife doesn't mind me doing. All I have to do is start talking hunting and she will say you really need to fish more. I used to fish 2 to 3 days a week before my daughter was born now it is once a week. I actually by my own choice took a year off from fishing. I didn't feel right about leaving all the time. Now I am back at it. I didn't realize how much I missed being on the river. There is nothing quite like being on the river early in the morning where the only sound is the river and 13' rod cutting through the air. Except the whine of line peeling off my reel. :7
    I think I just had a f@#$%ng Hemingway moment. :smokin

    Kevin
     
  13. DLoop

    DLoop Creating memories one cast at a time

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    GreenButt, I may have contributed the post that got you thinking about this in the first place when I wrote:

    -------
    Marlow Bumpus Speyclave on Saturday...

    Jeez. that's my wife's birthday.

    Spey clave vs. Wife's Birthday
    Spey clave vs. Wife's Birthday
    Spey clave vs. Wife's Birthday
    Spey clave vs. Wife's Birthday
    Spey clave vs. Wife's Birthday

    Hmmm...OK, I'll be there.
    -------


    That was just a poor attempt at humor on my part. Yes. it is my wife's birthday, but No, there was never a real thought that I would attend the speyclave instead of being with her. Not if I ever hoped to fish again that is :)

    Been married 20 years. Like Roper said, that catch was my best one. If you can get everything else in order, spend time with wife and kids first, take care of the homefront, work hard...then you should be able to find time to play hard too.

    Look for opportunities to simplify your life whenever you can. Usually that will result in more of that precious resource called 'time'.
     
  14. icmorefish

    icmorefish New Member

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    Four married guys go fishing. After an hour, the following conversation took place. First guy: " You have no idea what I had to do to be able to come out fishing this weekend. I had to promise my wife that I will paint every room in the house next weekend." Second guy: " that's nothing, I had to promise my wife that I will build her a new deck for the pool." Third guy: " Man, you both have it easy! I had to promise my wife that I will remodel the kitchen for her." They continue to fish when they realized that the fourth guy has not said a word. So they asked him. You haven't said anything about what you had to do to be able to come fishing this weekend. " What's the deal?" Fourth guy: " I just set my alarm for 5:30 am. When it went off, I shut off my alarm, gave the wife a nudge and said, " Fishing or Sex" and she said, " Wear a Sweater."
     
  15. dheike

    dheike New Member

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    Icmorefish



    darrin ><>:rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl :rofl
     
  16. cmtundra

    cmtundra New Member

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    My wife & I have been married going on 9 years & we have two children. My wife knows that I work hard to take care of our family & our home life & is usually very happy to let me fish when I can. I've learned to not over-do it. There are times when salmon are running hot & I want to fish a little more often. I like to let her know what's going on, that the salmon run will only be around for a short time, and then things will be back to normal (normal being about once or twice a month).
    Ditto on working on the "honey-do" list, that goes a long way. So does making sure that you schedule some family time doing something nice the day before or after you fish. I also encourage my wife to pursue her hobbies. It's a funny thing about moms, they so easily get wrapped up in their children that they'll happily put all their own personal interests aside. So, I like to take some initiative for my wife. I'll register her for hobby-type classes that's she's interested in, or just give her some money to go shopping for herself. Of course, the kids need to be watched for these activities. So, I either watch them or schedule a babysitter so we can both go do something together. She really appreciates the effort I put into these things, and when it comes time for me to go fishing she rarely has a problem. She even nudges me to go fishing when she knows I've been stressing over too much junk at home.
    Chris B.
     

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