Andys Big Catch

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Zen Piscator, Jan 2, 2005.

  1. Zen Piscator

    Zen Piscator Supporting wild steelhead, gravel to gravel.

    May 7, 2004
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    Missoula, MT
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    Here is a story written for our school jounal. It isnt fully edited, and i dont think all of the stuff will make it in. Im putting it up here for critque and comments. Please feel free to make any suggestions.

    Andys Big Catch

    The dawn broke upon a barren landscape, and at this instant I knew my destiny was born. I was to intercept the largest steelhead in the land, and remove him from his watery lair. Not only would this bring me fame and fortune, but untold riches and recognition.
    I needed a way to track Cedric, the beast of a steelhead who would make me famous. There would be no chance of me catching him unless I new his exact location. After making a few calls, I contacted a state biologist who clued me into Cedric’s signal. She told me the government inserted a radio tag into his jaw while he was a young fish, in an attempt to track his migration path. This bit of news would make it possible for me to follow his every movement.
    Since my quest began on that November morning, I have become obsessed with only one thing-TAKING THAT FISH. My living quarters have been converted into a strategic planning zone. In it I have 4 g.p.s stations and military spec radar, all tuned in to the signal of Cedric, the massive steelhead.
    In the far corner of the room I have been creating a fishing fly named “the terminator”. It is something that defies description, so I will save you the trouble. I have prepared my reel with approximately 900 yards of line, in case Cedric gets downstream of me during the fight. My rod has been enforced with Kevlar polymer spiral inserts. This will provide enough power to stop Cedric from getting in the rocks and breaking the line. My tippet is constructed from the nation’s finest poly- infused spectra ultra-elastic durafiber. I have all the equipment readied, now the stalk will begin.
    Cedric is a solitary beast, and he didn’t get big from being stupid like all the other fish. Cedric is indeed special, but not in a bad way. For one thing, he doesn’t like people, because a man touched him when he was but a fry in his native river. This has left him traumatized for life. He also has an uncommon attraction for illegally grazing streamside cows (in streams where protected fish spawn and mature, livestock is not allowed to come near the river banks).
    As a wee lad, Cedric would have long conversations with a heifer named Betsy. She kindly lent advice to him about the trials and tribulations of being a small fish in such a very big world. She also helped him with his irrational fears and night terrors. Because of this Cedric is comfortable with streamside cows, and will even let them approach him.
    Once the fish god informed me of this during my nightly worship session, I became ecstatic with hope. If I could find a way to become an illegally grazing streamside cow, Cedric would be mine.
    A cow suit seemed the only option to me. I may be tight with fish gods, but I still can’t change into a cow. The next day I procured a cow hide and wire frame used for making fake movie cows, such as the ones in Twister. The cow was put together in short order, and I began mental preparation for my big catch.
    I concluded that I must use the “triple haul double under sideways Belgian thrust flip pile cast” to achieve the proper presentation. Cedric would be laying under branches in ripping current, as it was obvious a normal cast would not do the job. This cast would be the only way to get the fly next to Cedric. According to my g.p.s. and radar Cedric is lurking at mile 16.38 on the Walla Walla River, between Detour Road bridge and MacDonald Road bridge. After consulting my satellite photo database, I came to a conclusion of where Cedric was located, right down to the square meter. There are six spots between the bridges that steelhead hold. Anglers fish four of them often, so they would be ruled out. Of the remaining two, one of them was on public land, with an absence of cows. The other one was on private property, with one bank used for cow grazing. I knew in an instant that Cedric was resting at the bottom of that pool, awaiting my arrival.
    That night, thoughts of world fame and riches chased away any notion of sleep. One hundred years seemed to pass before dawn showed, but I was none the worse for it. My gear was in the truck, and at last my destiny was to be fulfilled. The radar indicated that Cedric was still in his pool, awaiting the next rain to raise the river so he could move on and spawn.
    At last I arrived at the river, and prepared my equipment for the final assault. The Cow suit proved problematic, but I was finally able to slip into it after no les than 47 tries. Now, the only obstacle blocking my entrance to the hole was a 10-foot high electric fence topped spirals razor wire. I had forgotten that this was indeed private land I needed to get to and things did not look good. I decided that the fence was impassible, and the only way to access Cedric would be to talk to the landowners.
    I noticed a few interesting bumper- stickers on a truck in the driveway as I passed. They read as follows: “This truck protected by Smith and Wesson”, “Save the trees, wipe your [explicative deleted] with a spotted owl”, and finally “If you fish on my property, make sure you read bumper sticker number one.
    Unfazed, I carried on.
    “Knock, knock, knock.”
    Billy, git tha door, and gits me ‘nother beer, I gotsa powerful thirst”
    “Hello, this is Andy Simon, is your dad there?”
    “Ya, my pa’s her’, lemme git em.”
    A large, man with smell that was larger yet wallowed to the door. I do love Eastern Washington locals
    “Hello sir, I was just wondering if you would mind me fishing for a few minutes on your beautiful river?”
    “Did ja read da bumper stickers? Now GIT!” Said the foul smelling beast.
    While in the process of “gitting” (running away), I realized this man might be more inclined to let me fish if I kindly offered him a large sum of money. After all, I was going to be rich in a few hours; I wouldn’t be missing a few dollars. “Sir, let me introduce you to Mr. Washington, and his friends Mr. Washington and Mr. Washington.”
    They must have been hard off, because the three dollars I had left over from breakfast at Sherry’s bought me a half hour of time on the water. The man gave me a very strange look, and seemed to be in a rush to get me away from his kids. It may have been because I hadn’t showered in my Nineteen-day preparation. On second thought, I supposed I could have put the cow suit on at the stream, but I could have spooked Cedric that way.
    At last I had been granted access to this great piece of water. I approached the spot with such stealth that a small bird landed on my head. It took off in short order, after it had cleared its bowels. Now I was a black and white cow. Cedric came into view just seconds after my search began.
    “Hi, I’m Marlene, one of Betsy’s old friends. Anyway so like what’s up?”
    “Not much” said Cedric.
    “This sure is nice section of water”
    “Yep”, I said.
    “Weather is nice today”
    “So how bout them Seahawks, I think they get worse every year.”
    “Yep….Um Marlene, what is that thing in the water?”
    “Oh, that’s called a terminator. You should eat it, Betsy says they are very healthy.”
    “Ok” said Cedric. “Ouch! Hey, your not a Cow!” “Nope, and now your mine!”
    “If you can land me, you little [explicative deleted]” said Cedric in a defiant tone.
    “Hey Cedric, would you kiss your momma with that mouth? Hopefully not the way I kissed her last night!” I shouted.
    At that instant, Cedric began tearing downriver, throwing water and rocks hundreds of yards from the riverbanks. I was unfazed by the display of raw power, and preceded to bust out my off-road Segway human transport. I perused the fish up and down that river for hundreds of hectometers. The Segway proved to be very important, without it I would be broken hearted and fish deprived. The mighty steelhead slowly gave in after 30 minutes of intense struggle. I finally beached the amazing fish, and collapsed beside my treasure, panting from exhaustion.
    After a short rest I rose to my knees and beheld this great creature. Its silver flanks were flashing in the sun, not a scale was out of place. A light dash of pink coated its sides, running from head to tail. Black spots adorned the body like perfect stars on a December night. Not a single fin was damaged. This fish had not seen the walls of hatchery, that I was sure of.
    Something came over me in the next few moments. Instead of accepting fame and riches, I eased the fish back into the current. Cedric let me hold him for a few minutes, coaxing him back to health. His broad shoulders began to sway back and forth, slowing building strength. With a flick his tail as a wave goodbye, he slid back into the current. I had given up fame and wealth, and cared not a lick.
    That spring, after a successful spawn Cedric succumbed to old age. His body provided enough food for a family of raccoons to make it into the summer.

    Hope you enjoyed it,