Dear Citori, NFR

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by Citori, Apr 19, 2008.

  1. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Mixed Metaphors,

    There seem to be multiple issues. You may in fact be suffering multiple technique disorder, but we will have to ask some simple questions before a diagnosis is possible.

    Is the hair that isn't upright on the palm of your casting hand?
    Is your casting arm all that is limp, or is your haul arm limp as well?

    My guess is that performance anxiety is at the root of the issue. Your casting arm being limp is no doubt due to you waking up with your arm asleep, which means that you are laying on it, which also means your haul arm is fine. Switch sides of the bed, go to sleep on your back, and wear a pair of your wife's pantyhose under your waders. Between your sleep deprivation and the grip of the nylons, you won't be thinking about your "performance' and the rest should take care of yourself.

    Many of the rest of us know how well this works, but let us know how it does the job for you.

    Citori
     
  2. Jerry Daschofsky

    Jerry Daschofsky Moderator Staff Member

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    Dear Citori.

    My friend and I are having a falling out over a long standing debate.

    I contend that it's not the size of the rod, but how you use it. He contends that the longer the rod, the better you can use it and really "swing" as he says. Who's right?

    Signed, Happy with is medium sized stick.
     
  3. dryflylarry

    dryflylarry "Chasing Riseforms"

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    Dear Citori,

    I have fly fished for almost 50 years now and I have never pissed my pants from the excitement. Is this normal? I am now worried because I take a small high blood pressure pill and the need to pee arises frequently for the first 2 or 3 hours after the pill. If this coincides with my fishing success lately, I’m afraid I’m going to pee my pants one of these days soon. Would you recommend bringing along a plastic bottle or should I just wait and see how things go? Do you think I should see my physician about this? I'm really nervous about what my friends would say if I did have a mistake. It would be quite embarrassing. By the way, I’m not interested in those astronaut type diapers, so don’t even go there…

    Signed

    Not An Astronaut
     
  4. IveofIone

    IveofIone Active Member

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    Dryflylarry,
    I'm sure Citori will have a clinically precise answer to your query but as a guy that caught his first fish on a fly on July 28,1953 I know of what you speak. Just remember that waders work both ways so your friends never have to know! In case of an accident just feign a fall as you leave the water and take on some ballast as you come ashore.

    Some of the guys I fish with 'fall' so often I don't know if they are clumsy or just rinsing. Ive
     
  5. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Pee Pee boy,

    What Ive said.

    Citori
     
  6. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Happy,

    Is is both the size of the rod, and how you use it. If you're happy with the rod, it is the right size. If you're not, it's not. If you're happy with it, you'll swing it...

    The thing to avoid is the length envy...never a good thing. Then you will always be looking for one just a little bit longer.

    I really hate that.

    Citori
     
  7. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Well, my loyal readers. This has been an interesting weekend. We may have to revisit the counseling session, but for the time being, it appears my work is done.

    The Dr. is out.
     
  8. Dick Warnke

    Dick Warnke was Pram-Man

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    Dr. Citori...that is some of the funniest shit I have seen on this site....Can't wait until you once again offer your services to the degenerate misfits on this site. :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
     
  9. HauntedByWaters

    HauntedByWaters Active Member

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    To all those with "rod problems", check out Viagra.
     
  10. obiwankanobi

    obiwankanobi Active Member

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    Dear Cit,

    Time and time again I find myself locked in this “time vs money” pendulum concerning my career, where the more money I achieve, the less time I have for fly fishing. I have often speculated, even romanticized about positioning myself in an area/career that would allow me to get out more often and enjoy time on the water. Just when I am almost willing to take the plunge and pursue a career closer to fly fishing, I counter this thought with the rationality that fly fishing will always be a “hobby” and a corporate career will be the means to sustain this “hobby.” The further I climb up this career ladder, the less time I will have for fly fishing, but with deeper financial pockets.

    My question is what really is the key to happiness in life, having more time for pleasure, or having more money to enjoy this pleasure?
     
  11. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear lost in the '70's,

    OK, just one more.

    The quickest way to learn how to hate something you used to love is to get yourself in a positon where you have to do it every day. Fishing needs to stay out of the career side of things, and stay in the hobby part.

    It is said that Money can't buy Happiness. But I have a friend who has money, a really big boat, a couple of smaller boats, an airplane or two, and is already on his third major vacation this year. From where I sit, he looks pretty happy. Money may not be able to buy happiness, but it can rent the hell out of it.

    My advice is to fish when you can, enjoy it when you do, and set aside a % of your income to buy lottery tickets. When you win, remember who gave you this invaluable advice.

    Citori
     
  12. scottflycst

    scottflycst Active Member

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    Hey Piscatorial Noggin Fixer-

    You can't walk away now. You've created an emotional dependence for those of us to darn dysfunctional to have normal relationships. You don't want to be the catalyst that forces us to severly abuse another newbie!
     
  13. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Dear Dependent.

    Ive is somewhat disinclined to take me up on my very generous offer to become his personal spiritual and financial advisor, so I guess I will hang in there for a while longer.

    Someone has to put the "fun" back in "dysfunction"...

    The Dr. is in. $.05 per session.
     
  14. IveofIone

    IveofIone Active Member

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    Dear Citori,
    Two things troubled me about your offer. The first is that if you left all of your devoted followers to be my personal adviser they might perhaps think you were a disingenuous twit that jumped at the first next good thing and left them in an emotional lurch. You are better than that and I wouldn't want to be a part of their disillusionment.

    The second thing is that if I gave you exclusive rights to be my consul what few friends I have left would think I am just throwing money around because I have it. I would probably be regarded as the George Steinbrenner of shrinks for buying up the best talent and keeping it to myself.

    To paraphrase your eloquent statement: "Money may not buy happiness but it can certainly rent the hell out of it" Brilliant! I'll just rent for awhile my friend while you attend to the others. Big Bucks Ive
     
  15. Citori

    Citori Piscatorial Engineer

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    Ive,

    You are not only rich, you are astute as well. My counsel will always be available to you, if you remain as astute and rich as you are, you will do yourself well to continue to ignore it.

    On the other hand, if you find yourself in need of tax deductions, I would like to have you keep in mind the recently formed Citori Charitable trust for wayward baitslingers and bastard children of itinerant fly fishermen.

    Citori