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Family Renunion

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2K views 49 replies 24 participants last post by  The Drifter 
#1 ·
Instead of being in SW Montana spending day 64 and 65 on the water this weekend, I'm in the Twin Cities attending a family reunion on my Dad's side. It is the worst.

We are staying at a Ramada Inn right by the airport. Land of 10,000 lakes? More like land of 10,000 takeoffs. And the motel is a dump. The outdoor pool is closed due to maintenance so 100 people are all jammed into the indoor pool. So gross. The finishes have not been updated since 1977, the water from the stand-up shower was brown when I first turned it on, it does not drain so you are bathing in ankle deep water with dirty soap suds , and the place has a weird smell to it.

Figuring I'd make the best of the trip, I tried to work in a day of Muskie fishing today but was told we had group plans and that would not be cool for me to leave for 12 hours. Well that wasn't necessarily the case either as we sat around the breakfast table this morning trying to figure out what to do. The consensus was go hang at the Mall of America. We are about to herd up and take the shuttle over for a fun day of retail.

Fuck my life. More to come.
 
G
#4 ·
The shower could be with minor modification your own personal indoor pool.Sounds like the hotel is what Jane calls nostalgic motif or retro, a little glimpse to a bygone era. Family reunions are meant to reaffirm the reason you don't live to close to your own kin. Every time I seen my kin I think of national lampoons summer vacation movie and look for my family's cousin Eddie ! That that doesn't kill you will make you stronger.
 
#5 ·
Got to the mall and the group decided to make an audible. Hopped on a train and headed downtown to walk around in 90 degree temps and 90% humidity. Kenny Chesney and Jason Aldean are playing tonight at Target Field. So there are overweight chicks everywhere dressed in skimpy skirts and cowboy boots. I can't embed pics from my phone but will add some in a bit.

This could be the start of a new trend though. Next reunion I'm suggesting we go to Detroit, Cleveland, or Mississppi because I think any of those are supposed to be even shittier than Bloomington. This may become a hipster trend in Bozeman-vacation in super shitty places to feel superior about your own lifestyle choices.

I could be fishing for Muskie now.
 
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#16 ·
oddly enough as you get older you will go just to see how your cousins wife's have blossomed & how the younger generations are adapting. It's weird but you'll start to seek joy in the strangest stuff as you age ! Trust me I'm in that very stage of life now !
 
#11 ·
I don't think that I would live through a family reunion. All the family on my Sisters side are bible thumper's. My one brother was in training to be a preacher until a traffic accident took his life. So his kids and ex are just like my sisters.

My wife is Baptist. Her preacher wanted to come to the house to talk to me. She warned him off. I don't believe in all that stuff.

My dad helped start a church. When it got up and running they shut him out. No, all churches can kiss my ass.
 
#12 ·
"Figuring I'd make the best of the trip, I tried to work in a day of Muskie fishing today but was told we had group plans and that would not be cool for me to leave for 12 hours."

Who told you this? I might be known as a dick and somewhat of an eccentric outcast but I'd be fishing.. we all prioritize.

Best of luck surviving, looking fwd to the pics.
 
#20 ·
Who told you this? I might be known as a dick and somewhat of an eccentric outcast but I'd be fishing.. we all prioritize.
I spoke with the fly shop and they said for river muskie fishing they only do full day trips. 2 hours drive to the river, 8 hours of fishing, 2 hours home. I then ran it past my mom and she didn't want me to be gone for 12 hours (while in hindsight it would not have made a bit of difference.) Trust me, I pleaded my case but in the end I decided to sacrifice my interests for the good of the reunion. What a mistake that was :D

So it just keeps getting better. Get back to the hotel and some of the girls need us to pick up a couple things for afternoon snacks/dinner. So my great uncle and I load up in his pt cruiser and head down to the Wal-Mart. It is the first time in years I've been in a Wal-Mart outside of Bozeman, MT. Holy shit what a bunch of ugly people. And what a cross-section of America that you hardly get to see anywhere else. I couldn't wait to get the fuck out.

So we get back to the car, my uncle is backing out, and sure enough he smashes a piece of shit Ford Taurus that was pulling in. Two teenage dudes step out, both wearing skinny jeans, and were insistent on calling the cops and filing a report (even though their car was beat to shit and you couldn't tell one dent from the other.) So I got to hang for another half hour until the cops showed up...all the while people watching and realizing how sheltered and separated from reality life is in Bozeman, MT.
 
#22 ·
Cannot fault you for deferring to your Mom.. I'd do same. MN is a large state with three distinct geographic zones. To bad you got stuck in the shittiest one.. You could always HOST the next re-union :eek: ;)

"This may become a hipster trend in Bozeman-vacation in super shitty places to feel superior about your own lifestyle choices."

Pretty clever.. and spot on.
 
#27 ·
Finally back in the hotel room trying to simply decompress for a sec. Here are a couple pics. Spoiler tags since they are large photos and sorry for the selfies.

My Uncle Buck or BK as his buddies call him. If you like to party, he is your boy. Retired high school football coach and lives on the beach around Pensacola, Florida.



He loves telling dick and lesbian jokes. He can go on and on and on. No shortage of laughs around this guy. My Uncle Randy is wearing the Vikings Gear. He is a waste water engineer and also has a nice repertoire of x-rated jokes. Put the two together and it is unlike anything else I've ever been around.



My Great Uncle Gordy and my Dad. Gordy is the one who wrecked earlier. He always has this expression on his face...looks to be about as happy as me to be there.



One of my cousins had a birthday yesterday. She turned 10.



This is the only blue line I will get to play in this trip



Gordy is still excited to be here



The new Vikings stadium currently being built





Across from the stadium is this cool sports bar called Huberts. The guys just couldn't pass up a chance for a beverage. Guess if you put a beer in front of Gordy and he'll smile



Wonder where they are going?



People were already gathered at 1 pm at the stadium for a 7 o'clock show. Guess some folks just love Kenny Chesney!!


Let the party go on.
 
#29 ·
You have to use family dynamics to your advantage in these situations. I try to be extra nice to my wife's parents so they always insist on me being there, but then I hit on her younger sister. That way my wife has to bring me but doesn't want me around all the time.

Our discussion about next years went like this:

Lee: Everyone wants to go to Florida next year... are you interested?

Evan: Not really, I've been there in the summer, it's way too hot.

Lee: You know my parents will insist.

Evan: Will Lori be there?

Lee: (With a sigh) Yes!

Evan: (Enthusiastically) I'm in!

End result: Three days in Florida. One in Orlando, two days Bonefishing in the Keys!
 
G
#32 ·
Okay Swimmy I'm going to give you a little trick to spice up the family reunion, It will require A five gallon bucket, 2bottles or so of Thunderbird wine ,3 liters of mountain dew&a half gallon of lime ice cream. pour all the liquids into the bucket over the lime ice cream. Them Midwesterner if they are like my ex wife's family will drink this stuff up& there is nothing more rewarding than watching your kin make asses out of themselfs, especial your parents. If possible have a couple of Honda 90's around for them to drive after they drink this mixture. Oh hope fully you aren't related to the Walstads they live in that neck of the woods...
 
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