(NFR) Significant others: fishing related friction

Discussion in 'Fly Fishing Forum' started by GreenButt, Apr 23, 2004.

  1. Old Man

    Old Man Just an Old Man

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    It's funny that this should come up. Been married for about 30 years and my wife can't stand me being home. I'm retired and have so much time on my hands I don't know what to do with myself. I could fish every day but after a while it gets old going by your lonesome.

    My fishing times are from when I wake up till about 3:00 pm five days a week and two days a week I have 24 hours a day to play. About the only thing that stops me is the price of gas and the places that I like to fsh are not close to home.

    Jim:thumb
     
  2. KerryS

    KerryS Ignored Member

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    A long time ago like around 30 years ago I got married. Whoops. It lasted about 6 months. Reason for divorce; she didn't understnd why I needed to fish or anything else that I needed to do for that matter. Single for the next 25 years. Married now to someone that understands I need to do certain things to stay as close to sanity as I can. That means I fish the weekends and many evenings after work. Moral. Do what you need to do for yourself. Don't waste your time here on earth. It is far to short. You will find someone sooner or, as in my case, later to share your life with. I have no regrets what so ever for spending much of my adult life single.
     
  3. o mykiss

    o mykiss Active Member

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    Right on, REE. The only way I could make things any better with my wife in terms of her support of my fishing needs is to talk her into taking it up so we could fish some together. My wife got me into flyfishing by exhorting me to go out with my dad and brothers during an extended family get together a few years ago. I didn't want to go, but she thought it was a good idea. Man, am I glad she encouraged me to go. Although I was immediately addicted, she's been supportive of the habit ever since. She recognizes my need to, as someone else has said, "re-create", particularly because I have a very demanding, high-stress, generally long hours job. She has bought me some of my best flyfishing equipment. Every year, she willingly gives me leave to do one extended stillwater trip in the spring, one extended steelhead trip in the fall and a week in Alaska. I fish nearly every weekend in the summer, though I try to minimize it cutting into family time by getting up gawd-awfully early and being back by noon or so. I fish a couple of times a month in fall, winter and spring, barring work getting in the way. Part of why it works though, is because I try to be balanced. Hell, I'd like to fish both days of every weekend every week (in fact, I can sort of relate to Gus Orviston's lifestyle in The River Why) but being part of a family means you have to be . . . part of the family. There are many times when I'd love to bug out for some local stream, but don't even suggest it because I have a pretty good feel for when I'm likely to overstep my wife's gracious support for my habit.
     
  4. jlange

    jlange New Member

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    I identify with a lot of you, my wife gets pissed sometimes when I spend too much time on fishing (which is not very much). Going to school full time, working full time, and trying to keep up the home doesn't leave much time for fly fishing. At best I probably get out once or twice a month right now. When I was single I used to go almost every week, sometimes more during prime time months. I remember a line from a movie where a father says to his son "Sometimes we can't do the things we want to do in order to do the things we have to do." I identify with that statement a lot in this matter.

    Jason

    Matt. 6:33-34
     
  5. dheike

    dheike New Member

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    GreenButt,
    Bro I hear you and am really glad you brought this up.
    I am pretty charged right now to have read replies from so many "Men" who declare there love for there wives and confess to doing housework. Peter said it right. "Love your wife with all your heart, soul, mind and strength".

    I get the opportunity to go fishing 2 to 3 times a month but I work hard for it. I.e. I dode on my bride and daughter and put the house before the fly trip. She sees my good deeds and praise my Father in heaven she rewards me with the time to flick flies.

    Anyway, the fact that you are aware of her needs will get you to the water soon enough, her blessing to go feels a lot better than her ticked that you went.

    darrin ><>
     
  6. Jerry Daschofsky

    Jerry Daschofsky Moderator Staff Member

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    LOL. Love this thread.

    Well, I'm quite happily divorced now. And loving life because of it. I married one of those "I'm this way before we're married, but the real me comes out after the band is on the hand". I had a driftboat, a couple whitewater catarafts, hunting/fishing rig (and had a commuter type car), and tons of fishing/hunting gear. I was ALWAYS hunting and fishing. ALWAYS! I spent at least 200+ days a year doing them combined (some I actually fished while on hunting trips). She even asked to go fishing with me a few times while dating, and she saw how hardcore I was about it. She didn't ever want to go hunting, she thought that was barbaric. LOL.

    The problems happened after we got married. I PURPOSELY cut back on my hunting and fishing so I could spend more time with her. I mean SERIOUSLY cut back on it. Guess what? She still screamed to high heaven anytime I wanted to go out hunting or fishing. So, I looked at my options, and decided to cut out my hunting. CUT IT ALL THE WAY OUT!!! So, was down to maybe fishing 50 days a year. She STILL complained. And if I wanted to spend money on buying any new gear, forget it. But spending on her was fine (of course lol). Then, whenever I went fishing, I went with my Dad in his boats. So sold off my driftboat and trail 90 (biggest mistake in my life and cuss it to this day). Didn't satisfy her. Sold off a couple of my whitewater catarafts and only kept one (not including my then outcasts I had). Did that help? Nope. Still complained. Mind you, by this time we had kids. I was the primary caregiver, though I worked fulltime (why I have full custody of them to this day). I suffered 7 VERY long years married to her (and suffer doesn't come near describing it). Worse thing of all, I tried to get her involved (though she claimed to love to fish while we were dating). Her main concern was my paychecks, and she well spent those.

    But in end, I won. In court, she tried to get half the worth of my fishing gear, boats I had left, etc. Guess what? All of it except a couple rods I had bought before we were married. She got a big whopping $0 worth out of my gear. Kept house, cars, and kids. Have a girlfriend who loves to fish, and wants me to teach her to hunt (she's been pissy, since she has to wait for me to heal before we can go). Much happier now. :thumb
     
  7. papafsh

    papafsh Piscatorial predilection

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    Well I've been married for 43 years now and I can tell you guys that it is much easier at this end of the game.

    We raised 4 kids and went through all the usual ups and downs. In those earlyyears I managed to do quite a bit of fishing because it was all C&K and added to the food resources. We mostly lived out in the country so hunting and fishing were just part of life.

    My wife never took to anything related to the outdoors, but man she knows how to cook and keep a home!

    Now that it's just the two of us, I don't have any problems getting out. I have always been an early riser, my wife has always liked to sleep late so that makes it real easy tp fish 1/2 days any weekend without conflict.

    Life is good!

    LB
     
  8. Peter Pancho

    Peter Pancho Active Member

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    .. I hear you guys on the gas, geeez 2.02 a gallon for Shell regular!!!??? and I hear its gonna get up to 2.50 by summers end. I hate having my fav rivers be 2-3 hrs away. My wife sure said it right by saying I would pay for it by buying a 4Runner which takes over 30.00 now to fill up. Now thinkin' bout' getting a 90' Honda Civic to survive this Gas-hike... humm wonder if it can pull my Clack?

    Peter ><>

    Mark 12:30-31
     
  9. Matt Burke

    Matt Burke Active Member

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    I am probably not the one to be giving advice as I’ve been divorced twice now. My last having gotten the good housekeeping seal from the judge last August. One of the main sticklers my ex kept coming up with was that my going fishing all the time and abandoning her, caused her to turn to cocaine and an abusive boyfriend while we were still married. Whatever, but I can’t believe how many fish I’ve caught since leaving the “Mill Creek Crack Whore.”

    Couples forget that before they were a couple, they used to be individuals. It is what attracted them to begin with. Then as they grow together, they endeavor to become one person, forgetting what made them unique to begin with. This becomes even more apparent with the arrival of children. The children will refer to mommy daddy, as one unit. For them, they are the same person. Most couples seem to accept and reinforce this themselves until it’s too late.

    Strong couples that stay together are the couples that allow each other to be individuals. One can fish while the other shops or whatever. Even though they are apart, they are still together emotionally and respect the others individuality without worry. They remain emotionally bonded.

    Every individual needs his/her time, their work time and the time spent with your mate. How one balances this is the true test of character. A give and take between mates without keeping score.

    I have been very lucky to have found a new mate who shares my love of the water and the outdoors. Eighty percent of all trips, she is right there with me. There are times we have been on the river with our rods at our side, just holding hands and not saying a word. Not doing anything, but living the moment. Watching the river, the dippers, eagles, fish rising and listening. Then there are the times we are not together all day, but she is never far from my thoughts or I hers.

    I’m very happy, but seem to be at a loss for helping someone else get what I have. Maybe it is just a matter of going through the school of hard knocks and dealing with it. This isn’t a class you can take in school. I had to live and learn. Finding Tammy took 43 years.

    Matt Burke
     
  10. LadyBug

    LadyBug New Member

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    You poor guys! When I met my guy, I was suspicious he was after me for my fly's.... yes, I tie flys, had my own gear and was a fly fisher before we met about 4 years ago.
    We are fishing partners, not to say he never goes without me, but when he calls to tell me "honey...you wouldn't believe the trout I just caught" my first thought is, drat! Wonder what bug he was using and why didn't I go!!
    There are some of us out there, and some that would probably enjoy it if they tried. I started just to have fun, and I still am!
    LB ;)
     
  11. Mike Wade

    Mike Wade Member

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    I hope your guy knows how lucky he is.
     
  12. saltchuck

    saltchuck New Member

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    I'm fortunate enough to have a wife and daughter who understand my affliction. A few years ago I suggested lessons so they could get an idea of what this flinging of fur and feathers was all about. We booked a 1/2 day on a pay lake in late May which I just happened to recall was about the time of onset of the adult dragonfly season for that particular lake........ To make a long story short - anything blue and thin dropped on the water that day didn't just produce a strike but an explosion. We even had fish coming out of the water and taking the fly on the way down on one occasion!

    I told them that was some of the best dry fly fishing I've ever experienced on a lake and that it's not always like this. But they were stoked and kept at it over the next few months despite having nowhere near the size or numbers of fish we had that first day.

    Now they go with me whenever they can but if they aren't able to come, they at least understand and want to hear all about my trip when I come home. The biggest problem is that my daughter is becoming a better caster than I am and my wife can just plain out-fish me!:beathead
     
  13. lotech joe

    lotech joe New Member

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    GreenButt,
    Sounds to me like you may need to find a new mermaid. REE May have the world's best! Make me happy, and I'll make you happy is the oldest sales pitch, but for some reason it still works today. I can't answer your dilema because I'm most likely in the same boat as you. I feel for you.
    REE! Are you going to be at the CWFI '04, sponsored by FAOL? If so, I'll see you there.
    Lotech Joe:thumb
     
  14. Kent Lufkin

    Kent Lufkin Remember when you could remember everything?

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    It's been said that men marry women hoping they'll never change but women marry men hoping they will.
     
  15. Ron Eagle Elk

    Ron Eagle Elk Active Member

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    Lotech, Yup, me and the other half will both be there. This is her first shot at big fish, so getting her hooked up is my first priority. Looking forward to metting up with you.

    REE