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Men Are Just Happier People!

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5K views 104 replies 35 participants last post by  jamma 
#1 ·

Men Are Just Happier People

What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.

A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Two pairs of shoes are more than enough.. You almost never have strap problems in public You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color.. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck.

You can play with toys all your life. One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives On December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier.

NICKNAMES
� If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
� If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman.

EATING OUT
� When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
� When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
� A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
� A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
� A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
� The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
� A woman has the last word in any argument.
� Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
� A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
� A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
� A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
� A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
� A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
� A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
� Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
� Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
� Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
� A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor.... and to the men who will enjoy reading.​
 
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#43 · (Edited)
I agree old406kid. I wouldn't say men are necessarily happier though. Perhaps their daily activities usually are simpler, and most get ready a lot quicker than I. "One less thing to worry about" seems to fit men well as far as general activities. :) This post gave me a giggle, thank you! I do agree in general. But in all honesty, my 1st marriage ended because with all the issues, it boiled down to one thing: he did not love himself. I have found that prior to knee surgery I was pretty self-sufficiant. I learned that happiness is within each of us. We are each responsible equally. It feels that woman have a tougher job in this world, but its one that has made my journey I feel, to more wisdom. Reflection is amazing! I got lucky, I met a man who loved himself. There is no "fixing." Triploidjunkie is an awesome husband. 2nd time around....yup, I got lucky ;)
 
#45 ·
I agree old406kid. I wouldn't say men are necessarily happier though. Perhaps their daily activities usually are simpler, and most get ready a lot quicker than I. "One less thing to worry about" seems to fit men well as far as general activities. :) This post gave me a giggle, thank you! I do agree in general. But in all honesty, my 1st marriage ended because with all the issues, it boiled down to one thing: he did not love himself. I have found that prior to knee surgery I was pretty self-sufficiant. I learned that happiness is within each of us. We are each responsible equally. It feels that woman have a tougher job in this world, but its one that has made my journey I feel, to more wisdom. Reflection is amazing! I got lucky, I met a man who loved himself. There is no "fixing." Triploidjunkie is an awesome husband. 2nd time around....yup, I got lucky ;)
Agree...
To be happy in one's own singleness...is the key.
 
#46 ·
Next week is my 48th anniversary. We were together for four years, mostly because I was away in the service. We've had our differences, briefly. Our girls turned out great; thankfully no boys. The one thing I have learned is that we both have to be tolerant of each other and our issues. I'm an admitted slob. She's a shopoholic. Oh well. Just buy another storage container.:) On the outside we've changed. Inside we're still in our twenties and one of the things that keeps us together is that we share some things and have our own personal interests as well. If I want to take a fishing trip it's okay by her. If she wants to go to Disneyland, "so long. Have a good trip and I'll pick you up at the airport when you get back.":cool:
 
#48 ·
There's a whole lot of generalizing going on here! Perhaps the guys on this site are mostly the kind who have learned how to make themselves happy, (oh, I dunno, by going fishing?) but that's hardly universal. Men have higher suicide rates, and astronomically higher crime rates. (I suppose there are some happy criminals...but I think that would technically be sociopathic!) I completely agree with Enlightened; if you can't make yourself happy, you can't make anyone else happy, and that's true for guys, gals, or whatever else you consider yourself!
That said, as a woman, after reading the recent "Buff" thread on here, I will never feel silly again for refusing to buy a great-casting but ugly rod! ;)
 
#59 ·
A Male Fairy Tale
Once upon a time, a Prince asked a beautiful Princess,
"Will you marry me?"
The Princess immediately said, "No!"
And the Prince lived happily ever after,
and
rode motorcycles
and
dated thin, long-legged, full-breasted women,
and
hunted and fished
and
raced cars, and went to titty bars
and
dated ladies half his age
and
drank whiskey, beer, and Captain Morgan,
and
never heard any bitching
and
he had tons of money in the bank,
and
left the toilet seat up.
and
dated cheerleaders
and
kept his house and guns,
and
ate spam, potato chips and beans,
and
blew enormous farts,
and
never got cheated on while he was at work,
and
he had lots of dogs
and
all his friends and family thought
he was cool as hell,
and
he had tons of money in the bank,
and
left the toilet seat up.


The end.
 
#69 · (Edited)
@Skip Enge ....I remember Khalil Gibran's "The Prophet". When i was in high school,and in an attempt to be cool and seem deep and profound, i got myself a copy. It was quite popular in the 1970's. But i didn't like it - i only pretended to. i didn't get WFT it was all about. And now you tell me he was a drunk!

Not getting it might have something to do with me not really liking poetry and metaphors. I like directness and not having to figure out what people mean. Just tell it to me straight. It's too hard for me otherwise. (Sorry Skip!) ;)
 
#67 ·
Back in the 70's I had an artist design some rings...silver wax investment wih grey star sapphires...incredible they were...after about 38 yeas post divorce I gave mine to my youngest daughter...did not make much sense for me to lose it somewhere...My now girlfriend...I gave her my HS ring...it was heavy on the cute-o-meter...we both grqaduated at the same small HS 11 years apart...She flyfishes now...since middle age is defined as 50's and 60's now ...our fun is quite different than when I was 20 and 30...It suits us...we are heading for some alpine lakes this weekend with fly rods to do some camping recon...Tiger , browns and rainbows...it should be sexy...
 
#74 · (Edited)
the above poem was read by a judge in a county courthouse at my /our wedding in 1976...we rewrote and added to the wedding vows...Martha wore a granny dress...my hair was to my waist...there was much embroidery on my wedding shirt...The "obey" part was a very popular omission. i never told martha to "do" anything ...not a GTH even toward the end... ;)
 
#76 ·
My son is getting married tomorrow and I thought I'd print out the "Men are happier..." article to present to him on his wedding day. My wife happened to see me printing it and asked what it was. I showed it to both her and our daughter who flew in from Vegas for the wedding. They both absolutely loved it and the idea of giving it to him!
 
#80 ·
Men are not usually the happier people after the judge has got through with them in divorce court.

Wait a minute, though ... wasn't it Johnny Carson, when someone mentioned the multi millions he had to pay to his ex, who replied sanguinely, 'Yea, but it was worth it!'

... I guess men are happier after all ...
 
G
#82 ·
Hey, all you married men, if you're tied up, you better stay tied up. Because it's cheaper to keep her.
It's cheaper to keep her
It is cheaper to keep her
When your little girl makes you mad
You get an attitude and pack your bag
Five little children that you're leaving behind
You're gonna pay some alimony or do some time
It's cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
It's cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
See when you get to staring that judge in the face
You're gonna want to cuss the whole human race
It's cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
Too much to leave that little girl (Cheaper to keep her)
It's cheaper, it's cheaper, cheaper, it's cheaper
It's cheaper, it's cheaper
It's cheaper cheaper cheaper cheaper, yeah
You didn't pay but two dollars to bring the girl home
Now you're about to pay two thousand to leave alone
See another woman out there, you want to make a change
She ain't gonna watch you 'cause you won't have a damn thing
It's cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
Cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
The time you get to looking at the judge in the face
You're gonna want to cuss the whole human race
It's cheaper to keep her (Cheaper to keep her)
Cost too much to leave (It's cheaper to keep her)
It's cheaper, cheaper, it's cheaper, it's cheaper
It's cheaper, cheaper
Cheaper cheaper cheaper cheaper, yeah
If you decide to roam
And leave your happy home
You gotta pay the house note
The child support, your insurance
 
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