NFR Quarantine Humor

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Bob, a 70-year-old, extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired woman who knocks everyone's socks off with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

His buddies at the club are all aghast. At the very first chance, they corner him and ask, 'Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend?'

Bob replies, 'Girlfriend? She's my wife!'

They are knocked over, but continue to ask. 'So, how'd you persuade her to marry you?'

'I lied about my age', Bob replies. 'What, did you tell her you were only 50?'

Bob smiles and says, 'No, I told her I was 90.'
 

Sockeye52

New Member
Half of us are going to come out of this quarantine as amazing cooks. The other half will come out with a drinking problem.

I used to spin that toilet paper like I was on Wheel of Fortune. Now I turn it like I'm cracking a safe.

I need to practice social-distancing from the refrigerator.

Still haven't decided where to go for Easter ----- The Living Room or The Bedroom

PSA: every few days try your jeans on just to make sure they fit. Pajamas will have you believe all is well in the kingdom.

Home-schooling is going well. 2 students suspended for fighting and 1 teacher fired for drinking on the job.

I don't think anyone expected that when we changed the clocks we'd go from Standard Time to the Twilight Zone

This morning I saw a neighbor talking to her cat. It was obvious she thought her cat understood her. I came into my house, told my dog..... we laughed a lot.

So, after this quarantine.....will the producers of My 600 Pound Life just find me or do I find them?

Quarantine Day 5: Went to this restaurant called THE KITCHEN. You have to gather all the ingredients and make your own
meal. I have no clue how this place is still in business.

My body has absorbed so much soap and disinfectant lately that when I pee it cleans the toilet.

Day 5 of Homeschooling: One of these little monsters called in a bomb threat.

I'm so excited --- it's time to take out the garbage. What should I wear?

I hope the weather is good tomorrow for my trip to ‘’Puerto Backyarda’’. I'm getting tired of ‘’Los Livingroom’’.

Classified Ad: Single man with toilet paper seeks woman with hand sanitizer for good clean fun.

Day 6 of Homeschooling: My child just said "I hope I don't have the same teacher next year".... I'm offended.

Better 6 feet apart than 6 feet under….
 

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silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Elderly & Viagra

An elderly gentleman carefully walked to the local drug store and asked the pharmacist for Viagra.

The pharmacist asked, "How many?"

The man replied, "Just a few, maybe a half dozen. I cut each one into four pieces."

The pharmacist said, "That is too small a dose. That won't get you through sex."

The old fellow said, "Oh, I am eighty-five years old and I don't even think about sex anymore. I just want it to stick out far enough so I don't pee on my shoes."
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of first graders, using a bowl of lifesavers.

The children began to say:

Red............cherry,"

Yellow.........lemon,"

Green..........lime,"

Orange.........orange,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey lifesavers.

After eating them none of the children could identify the taste.

Well," he said, "I'll give you all a clue, It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her lifesaver out and yelled:

Oh My God!!!! They're ass holes!"
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Two friends, a blonde and a redhead, are walking down the street and pass a flower shop where the redhead saw her boyfriend buying flowers.

Red sighed and said, "Oh, crap, my boyfriend is buying me flowers again."

The blonde looked quizzically at her and said, "You don't like getting flowers from your boyfriend?"

The redhead said, "I love getting flowers, but he always has expectations after giving me flowers, and I just don't feel like spending the next three days on my back with my legs in the air."

The blonde says, "Don't you have a vase?"
 

wanderingrichard

Active Member
Speaking of 'splody vehicles, in the early-mid nineties, one of the prime-time news shows (48hours, Dateline, ??) did a special about the 'saddle tank' chevy pickups from 1973-1987, and how they would explode when T-boned.

Well, we were watching that as a family, I was probably a sophomore, my brother was a senior. They showed a Chevy Citation slamming into a '70's chevy truck, then the fire starts, 'splosions occur, everybody gets scared...

...especially my mother...

...because my brother drove a 1973 chevy truck...

...and I drove a 1980 Chevy Citation. Basically a 'news' program showed my mother's two kids detting into a fiery car wreck.

The really fun part of that report is that they couldn't actually make the explosion occur when they crashed cars into the truck, so they used an Estes model-rocket booster to ignite the reaction.

EDIT: Found the clip, and the 'apology':
Going down that road; some pick ups from the 40's into the 60's had the gas tank behind the bench seat, inside the cab..
 

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