NFR Quarantine Humor

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A lady walks into an ice cream parlor and says to the clerk—

“I would like a pint of vanilla, a pint of strawberry, and a pint of chocolate”

And the clerk says, “Lady, I’m sorry but we don’t have any chocolate”

The lady says, “Oh. Then I would like a quart of vanilla, a quart of strawberry, and a quart of chocolate”

And the clerk says again, “Lady, I said we don’t have any chocolate”

And then the lady says, “Well then, give me a gallon of vanilla, a gallon of strawberry, and a gallon of chocolate”

At this point, the clerk is getting somewhat irritated and he says, “Lady, can you spell Van in vanilla?”

The lady says “Of course. v-a-n.”

“Very good” says the clerk. “Now can you spell straw in strawberry?”

“Sure can” the lady said. “S-t-r-a-w”
Outstanding” said the clerk. “Now can you spell f*ck in chocolate?”

The lady was somewhat taken aback by this and said, ”I am appalled that you would use such language in front of me. But for your information there is no f*ck in chocolate.

And the clerk smiles and says, ”Lady, that’s what I have been trying to tell you.”

“We don’t have any f*ck’n chocolate.”
 

Jojo

A sometimes eternal optimist
WFF Supporter
This page of the Quarantine Humor thread is my favorite one this week.
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A lady goes to the bar on a cruise ship and orders a Scotch with two drops of water.

As the bartender gives her the drink she says,

'I'm on this cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today...'

The bartender says, 'Well, since it's your birthday, I'll buy you a drink. In fact, this one is on me.'

As the woman finishes her drink, the woman to her right says, 'I would like to buy you a drink, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want a Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming up,' says the bartender

As she finishes that drink, the man to her left says, 'I would like to buy you one, too.'

The old woman says, 'Thank you. Bartender, I want another Scotch with two drops of water.'

'Coming right up,' the bartender says.

As he gives her the drink, he says, 'Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?'

The old woman replies, 'Sonny, when you're my age, you've learned how to hold your liquor. Holding your water, however, is a whole other issue.'
 

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