NFR Quarantine Humor

CreekScrambler

Active Member
Many years ago I had an old Toyota wagon I had to always park facing downhill, made the push a whole lot easier.

cheers
I’ve caught a bit of heat at work for the occasional jump/push start. I still think I’m money ahead because there’s no such thing as a car payment on a 90’s civic hatch with 270k miles. The battery is the only thing that has ever troubled me and it has always been operator error.
 

silvercreek

Active Member
A little three year old boy is sitting on the toilet.

His mother thinks he has been in there way too long, so she goes in to see if there is a problem.

Her little darling is sitting engrossed in a comic on the toilet. About every 10 seconds or so Harry puts the book down, grips onto the toilet seat with his left hand and hits himself on top of the head with his right hand.

His mother says: "Harry, are you all right, you've been in here for quite a while"?

Harry says: "I'm fine, Mummy... I just haven't finished yet".

Hi mother says: "OK, you can stay here a few more minutes, but, Harry, why are you hitting yourself on the head"?

Harry says: "it works for ketchup"!
 

cdnred

Active Member
Have a history teacher explain this----- if they can.

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both Presidents were shot in the head.

Now it gets really weird.

Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by their three names.

Both names are composed of fifteen letters.

Now hang on to your seat.

Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'

Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

And here's the kicker...

A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland
A week before Kennedy was shot, he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Creepy huh?
 

herkileez

WFF Supporter
THIS IS INCREDIBLE

Please be patient and read to the end..

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .
On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one knee, inspected the elephants foot, and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot.

The elephant turned to face the man and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teenaged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter could not help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk around one of Peter legs and slammed him against the railing, killing him instantly. Probably wasn't the same elephant.
 

cdnred

Active Member
The other day, I had to go to the emergency room.

Not wanting to sit there waiting for 4 hours, I put on my old Army fatigues and stuck a patch on the pocket that I downloaded from the Internet.

When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't that sick after all.

Attached is the patch. Feel free to use it the next time you're in need of
quicker emergency service.


1627386007435.png

It also works well if you ever have to use a Laundromat
 

herkileez

WFF Supporter

The trick is to wear rubber soled shoes, then challenge your friends to see who's tougher with a fence grip-off....which reminds me of yet another story:
I'd installed an electric fence for horse paddocks. When I touched, then gripped the wire, I felt almost nothing....When I talked to the local supplier, he asked what shoes I was wearing....(rubber boots) He told me to test it with leather soles...The fence worked fine that time.... :eek:
 
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Zak

WFF Supporter
WFF Supporter
The trick is to wear rubber soled shoes, then challenge your friends to see who's tougher with a fence grip-off....which reminds me of yet another story:
I'd installed an electric fence for horse paddocks. When I touched, then gripped the wire, I felt almost nothing....When I talked to the local supplier, he asked what shoes I was wearing....(rubber boots) He told me to test it with leather soles...The fence worked fine that time.... :eek:
When I was kid growing up in rural Vermont I learned to lay a long green grass stem on a suspect fence. Then you can feel a tingle and not the full effect. At one of the places where we rented the owner ran a few hundred head of white face cattle, and the electric fence ran straight off the house current. My parents ran a line from that to enclose their garden and little me grabbed on to that line once (ONCE!). it melted a line across my palm and knocked me out.

Edit: at least, that's how my parents told the electric fence was run. They weren't the most handy folks, though, and it seems unlikely now that think about it that there was a simple 110 live wire around the cow pasture and our garden. It sure wasn't one of those gentle pulsing wires, I remember that much.
 

cdnred

Active Member
Tree hugging.

While walking through Golden Gate Park in San Francisco, a man came upon another man hugging a tree with his ear firmly against the tree. Seeing this he inquired, "Just out of curiosity, what the heck are you doing? "I'm listening to the music of the tree," the other man replied. "You've gotta be kiddin' me." "No, would you like to give it a try? "Understandably curious, the man says, "Well, OK..." So he wrapped his arms around the tree & pressed his ear up against it. With this, the other guy slapped a pair of handcuffs on him, took his wallet, jewelry, car keys, then stripped him naked and left. Two hours later another nature lover strolled by, saw this guy handcuffed to the tree stark naked, and asked, "What the heck happened to you?" He told the guy the whole terrible story about how he got there. When he finished telling his story, the other guy shook his head in sympathy, walked around behind him, kissed him gently behind the ear and said, "This just ain't gonna be your day, Cupcake..."
 

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