NFR Quarantine Humor

Brian Miller

Be vewy vewy qwiet, I'm hunting Cutthwoat Twout
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cdnred

Active Member
A group of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'

She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?' and a spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on bus tours!
 

cdnred

Active Member
A doctor was addressing a large audience. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago; red meat is awful; soft drinks corrode your stomach lining; Chinese food is loaded with MSG.; high fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Just jokin' of course..
 

silvercreek

Active Member
Wisconsin man is forced to entertain his brother-in-law from Texas.

During the whole visit, the Texan keeps talking about how everything is bigger and better in Texas.

One afternoon the two go for a drive in the country. An eight point buck runs across the road. "What was that?" Says the Texan.

"A deer" replies the Wisconsinite.

"That scrawny little thing?" says the Texan, "Why in Texas, our deer are twice that size.

A little while later a cottontail rabbit runs across the road. "What was that" says the Texan.

"A rabbit" says the Wisconsinite.

The Texan says "That little bitty thing. Why, in Texas, we have jack rabbits that are three times that big.

A little while later, they pass a twenty pound snapping turtle on the side of the road. "What was that" says the Texan.

"That" says the Wisconsinite "was a wood tick."
 

dfl

Old, awful and ugly.
A doctor was addressing a large audience. 'The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here years ago; red meat is awful; soft drinks corrode your stomach lining; Chinese food is loaded with MSG.; high fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

However, there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it?'

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said, 'Wedding Cake.'

Just jokin' of course..
Too true.
 

cdnred

Active Member
Country Wisdom

An old country preacher... ...had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects..

1. A Bible... 1632837608826.png ..?

2. A silver dollar... 1632837634975.png ..?

3. A bottle of whisky... 1632837686494.png ..?

4. And a Playboy magazine... 1632837702094.png ..?

'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up.

If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a
blessing that would be!

If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.

But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be.

And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a
skirt-chasing womanizer.'

The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.

The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table..

With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold.

'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
'He's gonna run for Congress.'

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bobduck

Whiskey Tastes Best from a TIN CUP
Wisconsin man is forced to entertain his brother-in-law from Texas.

During the whole visit, the Texan keeps talking about how everything is bigger and better in Texas.

One afternoon the two go for a drive in the country. An eight point buck runs across the road. "What was that?" Says the Texan.

"A deer" replies the Wisconsinite.

"That scrawny little thing?" says the Texan, "Why in Texas, our deer are twice that size.

A little while later a cottontail rabbit runs across the road. "What was that" says the Texan.

"A rabbit" says the Wisconsinite.

The Texan says "That little bitty thing. Why, in Texas, we have jack rabbits that are three times that big.

A little while later, they pass a twenty pound snapping turtle on the side of the road. "What was that" says the Texan.

"That" says the Wisconsinite "was a wood tick."
Reminds me of the argument between two guys from opposite ends of the country about who had the worse mosquitoes. One said the skeeters were so bad you had to put repellent on twice a day. The other said Our skeeters just lick that shit off and keep on eating but the winner was when the last guy said Our skeeters have been known to rape chickens.
 

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