Quarantine Humor

Zak

Active Member
One night the game warden pulls Sven and Ole over on a backwoods road. Knowing them well, the warden asks asks Sven to open the back of the truck.

There's a dead rabbit by the tailgate, with a bullet hole right between the eyes. Hmm, says the warden, that's a good shot.

Behind the rabbit is a dead deer, again with a bullet hole smack dab between the eyes. Hmm, says the warden.

Lastly, there a black bear, again with with a bullet hole precisely between the eyes. On closer inspection, the bear also has bullet holes in the middle of each front paw.

The warden says that he's impressed with the headshots, but why on earth does the bear have bullet holes in its front paws?

"Oh," says Ole," Dey always bring der hands up ta cover der face when Sven shines de torch in der eyes!"
 

Buzzy

Active Member
an oldie:
A U.S. Marine Colonel was about to start the morning briefing to his
staff.
While waiting for the coffee machine to finish brewing, the colonel
decided to pose a question to all assembled.
He explained that his wife had been a bit frisky the night before and
he failed to get his usual amount of sound sleep.
He posed the question of just how much of sex was "work" and how much
of it was "pleasure?"
A Major chimed in with 75%-25% in favor of work. A Captain said it was 50%-50%.
A lieutenant responded with 25%-75% in favor of pleasure, depending
upon his state of inebriation at the time.
There being no consensus, the colonel turned to the PFC who was in
charge of making the coffee and asked for HIS opinion.
Without any hesitation, the young PFC responded, "Sir, it has to be
100% pleasure.
The colonel was surprised and as you might guess, asked why?
"Well, sir, if there was any work involved, the officers would have
me doing it for them."
The room fell silent. God Bless the enlisted man.
 

silvercreek

Active Member
WFF Supporter
As we end week two of this lockdown, I’ve been thinking about Osama Bin Laden. He was stuck in his house with three wives for five years. I’m beginning to wonder if he called in those Navy Seals himself.
When Osama bin Laden died, he was met at the Pearly Gates by George Washington, who slapped him across the face and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive!"

Patrick Henry approached, punched him in the nose and shouted, "You wanted to end our liberties but you failed."

James Madison followed, kicked him in the groin and said, "This is why I allowed our government to provide for the common defense!"

Thomas Jefferson was next, beat Osama with a long cane and snarled, "It was evil men like you who inspired me to write the Declaration of Independence."

The beatings and thrashings continued as George Mason, James Monroe and 66 other early Americans unleashed their anger on the terrorist leader.

As Osama lay bleeding and in pain, an Angel appeared. Bin Laden wept and said, "This is not what you promised me."

The Angel replied, "I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in Heaven. What did you think I said?
 

silvercreek

Active Member
WFF Supporter
Sven, Ole and Toivo are out fishing for walleyes on opening weekend in the U.P. It's about 25 degrees out, there's freezing rain coming down and the walleyes aren't biting.

Finally, Sven says "I'm gonna try for a musky. He ties on a big plug, stands up on the boat seat and casts as far as he can. Sure enough, a musky hits. When Sven sets the hook he slips on the icy boat seat and falls overboard and doesn't come up.

After a minute, Ole says, well, I guess I better try to save him." Ole pulls off his coat, dives in to the cold dark water, and gropes around until he's out of breath. He comes up for air and dives back down. After doing this about five times, he finally feels some clothing, swims to the surface and pulls the lifeless body into the boat.

Toivo says "I guess I better try to resuscitate him and starts mouth to mouth. After a second his stops and says "Cripes, I never realized Sven had such foul breath." Ole replies, "Yeah, and you know, I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit."
 

creekx

spent spinner
Sven, Ole and Toivo are out fishing for walleyes on opening weekend in the U.P. It's about 25 degrees out, there's freezing rain coming down and the walleyes aren't biting.

Finally, Sven says "I'm gonna try for a musky. He ties on a big plug, stands up on the boat seat and casts as far as he can. Sure enough, a musky hits. When Sven sets the hook he slips on the icy boat seat and falls overboard and doesn't come up.

After a minute, Ole says, well, I guess I better try to save him." Ole pulls off his coat, dives in to the cold dark water, and gropes around until he's out of breath. He comes up for air and dives back down. After doing this about five times, he finally feels some clothing, swims to the surface and pulls the lifeless body into the boat.

Toivo says "I guess I better try to resuscitate him and starts mouth to mouth. After a second his stops and says "Cripes, I never realized Sven had such foul breath." Ole replies, "Yeah, and you know, I don't remember him wearing a snowmobile suit."
Does everyone else read these Sven & Ole jokes with an accent?
 

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