That would be me cutting a pie if I could. I can be a bit if a germaphobe.
If sharing pizza, I'll take pizza from spaces where both buffering sides of my slice are intact if I can!
When I catch someone splitting pieces for one slice, I will memorize my next move like a chess champion. These are moves made because of dirty brothers over decades.
Proper pizza etiquette is take two slices at a time !
An Amish woman was driving her buggy to town when a highway patrol
officer stopped her. "I'm not going to cite you," said the officer. "I just
wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken
and it could be dangerous."
"I thank thee," replied the Amish lady. "I shall have my husband repair
it as soon as I return home."
"Also," said the officer, "I noticed one of your reins to your horse is
wrapped around his testicles. Some people might consider this cruelty
to animals, so you should have your husband check that too."
"Again I thank thee. I shall have my husband check both when I get home."
True to her word, when the Amish lady got home she told her husband
about the broken reflector, and he said he would put a new one on it
"Also," said the Amish woman, "the policeman said there was something
wrong with the emergency brake."
A Cajun walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his Mouth for one minute. "Then he'll open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator's open mouth.
The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered.
The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up.......... "I'll try it - just don't hit me so hard with the beer bottle!"