NFR Quarantine Humor

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Jack was sitting on the plane when a guy took the seat beside him. The guy was an emotional wreck, pale, hands shaking, moaning in fear.

"What's the matter?" Jack asked.

"I've been transferred to Detroit, there's crazy people there. They've got lots of shootings, gangs, race riots, drugs, poor public schools, and the highest crime rate in the nation."

Jack replied, "I've lived in Detroit all my life. It's not as bad as the media says. Find a nice home, go to work, mind your own business, enroll your kids in a nice private school. It's as safe a place as anywhere in the world."

The guy relaxed and stopped shaking and said, "Oh, thank you. I've been worried to death. But if you live there and say it's OK, I'll take your word for it. What do you do?

"I'm a tail gunner on a Budweiser truck."
 

Stonefish

Triploid, Humpy & Seaplane Hater....Know Grizzler
I can actually relate to this having had something like this happen to me.
I was in the ER suffering a kidney stone attack. The older nurse attending to me ended up sticking the Dilaudid shot into her own hand rather then into my arm......
SF

7E289174-D2E7-43C9-B022-D01D9E938FA7.jpeg
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A group of 40-year-old buddies discuss and discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitresses are very pretty.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss and discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Things you need to know about North Carolina

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in North Carolina

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders.. All 10,000 of them live in North Carolina, plus a couple no one has ever seen before!

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5.'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?'

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. 'Fixinto' is one word.

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar

12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

13. The word 'Jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.


MORE THINGS TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA :

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

3. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

4. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

5. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

6. 90% of NC kitchens will have these five spices/condiments: Morton Salt, McCormick Black Pepper, Texas Pete, JFG/Dukes Mayonnaise and Hunts Ketchup.

7. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

9. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.

10... You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

11. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' to Wally World or Wal-Martin'.

12. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather

13. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

14. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
 

_WW_

Geriatric Skagit Swinger
WFF Supporter
Things you need to know about North Carolina

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in North Carolina

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders.. All 10,000 of them live in North Carolina, plus a couple no one has ever seen before!

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5.'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?'

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. 'Fixinto' is one word.

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar

12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

13. The word 'Jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.


MORE THINGS TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA :

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

3. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

4. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

5. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

6. 90% of NC kitchens will have these five spices/condiments: Morton Salt, McCormick Black Pepper, Texas Pete, JFG/Dukes Mayonnaise and Hunts Ketchup.

7. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

9. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.

10... You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

11. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' to Wally World or Wal-Martin'.

12. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather

13. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

14. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.
Similar to what I discovered in Texas. There are two kinds of critters, the ones that bite ya and the ones that sting ya.

When a Texan gives you directions they always throw in the "if you see ___________ you've gone too far". So I would just drive straight to ____________ and turn around.

When you enter an establishment and the guy working there asks "How ya doin" he really wants to know.

Chili.

Football

Deer Lease
 

Jockurr

WFF Supporter
Things you need to know about North Carolina

1. A possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2. There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 of them live in North Carolina

3. There are 10,000 types of spiders.. All 10,000 of them live in North Carolina, plus a couple no one has ever seen before!

4. If it grows, it'll stick ya. If it crawls, it'll bite cha.

5.'Onced' and 'Twiced' are words

6. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

7. 'Jaw-P?' means 'Did y'all go to the bathroom?'

8. People actually grow and eat okra.

9. 'Fixinto' is one word.

10. There is no such thing as 'lunch'. There is only dinner and then there is supper.

11. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar

12. Backwards and forwards means 'I know everything about you.'

13. The word 'Jeet' is actually a phrase meaning 'Did you eat?'

14. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

15. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.


MORE THINGS TO LET YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM NORTH CAROLINA :

1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from heat to A/C in the same day.

3. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

4. You know what a 'DAWG' is.

5. You carry jumper cables in your car for your OWN car.

6. 90% of NC kitchens will have these five spices/condiments: Morton Salt, McCormick Black Pepper, Texas Pete, JFG/Dukes Mayonnaise and Hunts Ketchup.

7. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motorsports.

8. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

9. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit 'a bit warm'.

10... You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, Still Summer and Christmas.

11. Going to Wal-Mart is a favorite past time known as 'goin' to Wally World or Wal-Martin'.

12. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good chicken stew weather

13. Fried catfish is the other white meat.

14. We don't need no dang driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive, dag-nabbit.

"I'll haveta getup whichya sometime an 'splain it."

And then we have the best: "Well Bless Your Heart" really means GO FxxK YOURSELF!
 

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