NFR Quarantine Humor

Steve Kokita

Big medical news in the UK this morning. A boy was born without eyelids and a team of specialized doctors performed a ten hour operation using his circumcised fore skin to create eyelids. The operation was a huge success.....but when the boy finally awakened and blinked a few times.....he opened both eyes wide and to the doctors dismay, the boy was a little cockeyed!


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I saw an ad for burial plots, and thought to myself that's the last thing I need.

People are making end of the world jokes like there's no tomorrow.

What do you call a sleepwalking nun? Roamin' Catholic.

Dad, are we pyromaniacs? Yes, we arson.

My dad died when we couldn't remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting "be positive," but it's hard without him.

What do you call a nun with a wooden leg?...... Hopalong Chastity...


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Jacob, age 92, and Rebecca, age 89, living in Miami , are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore.. Jacob suggests they go in.

Jacob addresses the man behind the counter: "Are you the owner?" The pharmacist answers, "Yes."

Jacob : "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?" Pharmacist : "Of course, we do."

Jacob : "How about medicine for circulation?" Pharmacist : "All kinds."

Jacob : "Medicine for rheumatism?" Pharmacist : "Definitely."

Jacob : "How about suppositories?" Pharmacist : "You bet!"

Jacob : "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?" Pharmacist : "Yes, a large variety. The works."

Jacob : " What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?" Pharmacist : "Absolutely."

Jacob : "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?" Pharmacist : "We sure do."

Jacob : "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?" Pharmacist : "All speeds and sizes."

Jacob : "Adult diapers?" Pharmacist : "Sure."

Jacob : " We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."


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An accountant and an actuary are driving across the plains when they come to a sheep farm. The actuary announces that there are 739 sheep on the ranch.

The accountant says, "How the heck do you know that?"

The actuary answers, "I counted up all the legs and divided by 4."

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