NFR Quarantine Humor

Skip Enge

Uck Uck Uck, bitches
"Hey Pythagoras! I am just living up to my new nickname, Hypotenuse. I sure am glad we don't hang out with that crazy bastich Archimedes anymore...his random thinking was really annoying."
I got it wrong...gonna fix it. Here...
 
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silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A married couple was in a terrible accident in which the man's face was severely burned. The Dr. told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from his body because he was too skinny.

The wife offered to donate some of her own skin. However, the only skin on her body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from her buttocks. The husband and wife agreed they would tell no one about where the skin came from and they requested the Dr. honor their secret.

After the surgery was completed everyone was astounded at the man's new face. He looked more handsome than he had before! All his friends and relatives just went on and on about his youthful appearance.

One day alone with his wife he was overcome with emotion at her sacrifice, He said "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. How can I possibly repay you.?"

"My darling," she replied, "I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A worker who is being paid by the week approached his employer and held up his last paycheck "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said.

The boss told him "I made a mistake on your last weeks check and overpaid you two hundred dollars ....you didn’t complain about it then!"

The worker replied "Well I don’t mind a mistake every once in awhile, but when it gets to be a habit I feel I have to call it to your attention."
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country, and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring, "Run....run!"

The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-run will ya!"

A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams, "R-r-run ya bahstard, r-r-run will ya!"

The next batter holds his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk. The Scotsman stands up yelling: "R-r-run ya Bahstard, r-r-run!"

All the surrounding fans chuckle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whispers, "He doesn't have to run, he got four balls."

The Scotsman yells even louder, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!"
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
One Sunday a pastor told his congregation that the church needed some extra money. He asked the people to consider donating a little more than usual into the offering plate. He said that whoever gave the most would be able to pick out three hymns.

After the offering plates were passed, the pastor glanced down and noticed that someone had placed $1,000 in the offering.

He was so excited that he immediately shared his joy with his congregation and said he'd like to personally thank the person who placed the money in the plate.

A very quiet, elderly, saintly looking lady all the way in the back shyly raised her hand. The pastor asked her to come to the front.

Slowly she made her way to the pastor. He told her how wonderful it was that she gave so much and in thanks asked her to pick out three hymns.

Her eyes brightened as she looked over the congregation, pointed to the three most handsome men in the building and said, "I'll take him and him and him."
 

Mark Walker

Active Member
Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a flashlight high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded, 'He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place......smack him again!'
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
Donald Trump, Bill Clinton, and George W. Bush died and found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan River, looking across at the promised land.

The Archangel Michael was standing on the other side and shouted over to the three surprised Americans, "Contrary to what you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across the Jordan River."

As Michael saw their perplexed looks, he reassured them by saying, "Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally according to your sins on earth.

The more you have sinned the more you will sink into the water."

The three American sages of political lore looked at one another, trying to determine who shall be the first brave soul to cross the Jordan River.

Finally George W. Bush volunteered to go first. Slowly he began to wade out into the river, and slowly the water began to get higher and higher, reaching to his waist. George began to sweat, thinking that all of his sins were coming back to haunt him.

He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see the other side. Finally, after what seemed liked an eternity, he began to emerge on the river's bank.

As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to see which one of the other brave souls was going next.

A shock of surprise registered on his face, as he saw Bill Clinton almost in the middle of the river and only his ankles barely touching the water. He turned to Michael and exclaimed, "I know Bill Clinton and he has sinned much, much more than that!"

Archangel Michael replied ...

"He's standing on Trump's shoulders!!"
 

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