NFR Quarantine Humor

Buzzy

Active Member
When I was in the Navy I was TAD to Fort Gordon, GA. Went into town a couple of times, it was, uh, interesting for a kid from the PNW. Now that I'm a balding senior citizen and still from the PNW I've wondered about retirement locations. Wonder no further:

Florida

“A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”

The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
..............................................................
Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the
University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $ 20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
..............................................

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”
....................................

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to hi buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
...................................


North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
.....................................

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”

The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
................................

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”

****************************** *********************

Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’
nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North
 

_WW_

Geriatric Skagit Swinger
WFF Supporter
When I was in the Navy I was TAD to Fort Gordon, GA. Went into town a couple of times, it was, uh, interesting for a kid from the PNW. Now that I'm a balding senior citizen and still from the PNW I've wondered about retirement locations. Wonder no further:

Florida

“A Florida senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he pushed it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little hair he had left. "Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-95, pushing the pedal even more.

Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a Florida State Trooper, blue
lights flashing and siren blaring He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this!” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper got out of his vehicle and walked up to the Corvette. He looked at his watch, then said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a new reason for speeding – a reason I’ve never before heard – I’ll let you go..”

The old gentleman paused then said, “Three years ago, my wife ran off with a Florida State Trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, Sir,” replied the trooper.
..............................................................
Georgia

The owner of a golf course in Georgia was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help.

He called her into his office and said, “Y’all graduated from the
University of Georgia and I need some help. If I wuz to give yew $ 20,000, minus 14%, how much would you take off?”

The secretary thought a moment, and then replied, “Everthang but my earrings.”
..............................................

Louisiana

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying, “When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .”

When asked why, he replied, “I’d rather be in Louisiana ‘cause everythang happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world.”
....................................

Mississippi
The young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to hi buddy, “Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!”

Bubba replied, “Did y’all see who it was?”

The young man answered, “I couldn’t tell, but I got the license number.”
...................................


North Carolina

A man in North Carolina had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the
road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by, and was so curious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, “I got a flat tahr.”

The passerby asked, “But what’s with the flowers?”

The man responded, “When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back. I never did understand it neither.”
.....................................

Tennessee

A Tennessee State trooper pulled over a pickup on I-65. The trooper asked, “Got any ID?”

The driver replied, “Bout whut?”
................................

Texas

The Sheriff pulled up next to the guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up into the ditch The Sheriff asked, “Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don’t you see that sign right over your head.”

“Yep,” he replied. “That’s why I’m dumpin’ it here, ‘cause it says: ‘Fine For Dumping Garbage.’”

****************************** *********************

Y’all kin say whut y’all want ‘about the South, but y’all never heard o’
nobody retirin’ an’ movin’ North
In West Virginia the passenger side mirror says "Objects in mirror are behind you."
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A popular bar had a new robotic bartender installed.

A fellow came in for a drink and the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "150."

So the robot proceeded to make conversation about quantum physics, string theory, biochemistry, and so on.

The man listened intently and thought, "This is really cool."

The man decided to test the robot. He walked out the bar, turned around, and came back in for another drink.

Again, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man responded, "100." So the robot started talking about the Packers and Brewers, and so on. The man thought to himself,

"Wow, this is really cool."

The man went out and came back in a third time.

As before, the robot asked him, "What's your IQ?"

The man replied, "50."

The robot then said, "So, how are the Vikings doing?"
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
As a Vikings fan since the 1970s, I can tell you that the low IQ is from banging my head against a wall at the end of every big game from Super Bowl VIII on......:(
I'm pretty sure the Vikings fans have Packer's Jokes.

My Son in Law is a Vikings' Fan and he has my grandson and Granddaughter wearing Vikings' gear!
 

Old Man

A very Old Man
WFF Supporter
What is the difference between a Hoover vacuum cleaner and a Harley Davidson?





The position of the dirtbag.

Apologies in advance to all you Harley riders.
This is not even funny. I used to know a lot of Harley riders. And they were straight up good guys.
 

silvercreek

WFF Supporter
A nun, badly needing to use to the restroom, walked into a local Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in a while 'the lights would turn off.'

Each time the lights would go out, the place would erupt into cheers.

However, when the revelers saw the nun, the room went dead silent. She walked up to the bartender, and asked, 'May I please use the restroom?

The bartender replied, 'OK, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf.'

'Well, in that case, I'll just look the other way,' said the nun. So the bartender showed the nun to the back of the restaurant.

After a few minutes, she came back out, and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.P

She went to the bartender and said, 'Sir, I don't understand. Why did they applaud for me just because I went to the restroom?'

Well, now they know you're one of us,' said the bartender, 'Would you like a drink?'

'No thank you, but, I still don't understand,' said the puzzled nun.

'You see,' laughed the bartender, 'every time someone lifts the fig leaf on that statue, the lights go out.

Now, how about that drink?'
 

IveofIone

WFF Supporter
This is not even funny. I used to know a lot of Harley riders. And they were straight up good guys.
Jim, some of my buddies ride Harleys and they are used to this kind of humor, it comes with the territory.

Just like you and I have to take old man jokes gracefully. Some of those punks poking fun at us won't live long enough to be the butt of old man jokes.:D
 

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