NFR Combat Salmon Fishing with Yogis

Perry Azevedo

Stage 4 Angler
WFF Supporter
Last night I discovered that my local tributary is opening up over a month early as the Chinook run is significantly larger than expected. My buddy and I had no clue they’d be here already, but if this is true there’s no way we’re missing the first day of fishing.

We head out early to my favorite hole, just down from the hatchery, hoping to find a bunch of Kings ready to murder any fly that gets close.

I walk up to my favorite spot and notice someone float fishing it already. He’s a little too close to comfortably swing a fly, but float guys will regularly fish this spot standing next to each other and there’s an understood method of casting just after the guy below you and I’m not missing my chance to land a springer here. So, I decide to pull out my centerpin and take the next upriver position…

I wait for him to make his next cast, then I send my line out. As it arcs over the water right into position, I notice that my line nearly crosses over a plunking line stretched out just above me. I turn to find another fisherman sitting above me, against a tree, his plunking rod in a holder.

“Watch it!” He says.

What the?!? Plunkers aren’t supposed to be here. Their spot is just up river a bit, around the bend. This is swing & float water. But then I look around. There are anglers EVERYWHERE! I mean everywhere. All kinds. Things quickly turn into the worst combat fishing I have ever seen. Before you know it, there are so many lines in the water, I just know we’re about to witness the world record for largest tangle involving the most anglers. This is crazy. People are getting increasingly agitated and fighting over spots…

Next thing I know, a bunch of local yogis appear out of nowhere. They had decided they were going to celebrate the salmon run by doing yoga IN THE RIVER!?! They walked out into the middle of the river where we are all trying to fish and start doing yoga. Is the water that shallow or are these yogis also Jedi? I’m super confused but don't care because I’m now beyond annoyed.

If there are fish here, they're not going to bite now. I grab my rod and head up stream just a bit to where there's some kind of bridge or lookout where I can see down into the water. I look everywhere and begin to laugh. The salmon aren’t even here yet. But there are tons of sculpin—in all kinds of colors and sizes. Some of them are almost as big as a small salmon. Huh. Then I see one odd-shaped purple object moving to get away from some yogi that’s gotten too close. It’s an octopus. In the river. Ok. I’m done. Time to leave.

My buddy and I decide it must be too early for the spring run to have made it this far up the system after all. We decide that we'll come back later when this craziness has ended and the salmon are actually here. We leave and as I am headed home, I realize I left my favorite rod back at the river.

Then I woke up…
What did I eat last night?

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