Sulking mainly, stewing a little, sitting in my war room, I was planning how to catch this monster brown trout living near Casper, Wyo. in the North Platte River before Xmas. His name is Wilbur.
I hate this fish because he made a complete fool of me during my last assault on "Salmo Truta." He tossed me out into the river, ruined my gear, snapped my rod, broke my line, and embarassed me in front of the members. He also ate the tip off of my right social finger, ruining my sex life. These are heavy tolles he took. And I will still catch and release him, but I will slap his face.
I have time here only to write of my trip to Wyoming.
I got to the airport about 4 hours ahead of my flight in order to be a good American. I just made the flight!
First, I was searched and then beaten. Why I got the beating I don't know. I did mention to a soldier that his boots could use a little more polish. But this was honest criticism. And so they beat me.
Like I say, I don't know why.
Then I had to pass through security and I had forgotten to remove my .380 auto from my underwear. I was third in line and I was totally panicked. I knew there would be another beating and this time I would know why. I had to come up with something quick.
I thought about just running for the toilet or something but I noticed that one of the soldiers was eying me, sort of llike I was a freak or something. I was wearing my fishing vest.
Oleander, my parrot, cussed him out and Smolt, my pet pocket dog, pissed on his sleeve. I knew now that there might be trouble ahead.
I pulled out a cigar and asked the private if he had a light.
He said he was going to give me a light allright and he began to fix his bayonet to his rifle.
Now his officer came up, a young lieutenant. Being an old military man, I took my propeller beanie off and snapped to attention. I could not salute becauuse my hand held my beanie over my heart. He hissed at me,"Get that damn beanie off of your heart and stop the propeller immediately." I complied; the propeller tore the scab off of my social finger. With the blood that spurted, they seemed satisfied and went for doughnuts. Apparently the police had taught them this.
Now I was second in line and I was really starting to sweat. My gun would surely rust. I saw a baggage cart coming and I thought about jumping in it but then I saw it was marked for Tokyo and I knew that was the wrong way to Wyoming. Now I'm next.
She stared levely at me and said, "You, are you the shultz who pissed on the private?" I said it was my dog, not me.
She looked at the dog and rang the alarm. What? What? What's the matter with my dog?
I was hustled away and beaten again.
But they put me on the plane and I had to sit next to an obvious terrorist. What river slimes.
But he was friendly enough and he talked about his days as boy in Saudi Arabia and then he mentioned he would blow the plane up after it landed and took off from Casper. I thanked him and asked if he would like a bite off of my baloney and anchovy sanwich. Said he could not hang with the pork. Little did he know that there is no pork in baloney. In fact, there is no animal matter at all; it's mainly made of weeds, vegetables, and horse fat. But he would have none of it. The flight was otherwise uneventful and I landed in Wyo.,only minutes from Wilbur. And then I..to be con't

Sulking mainly, stewing a little, sitting in my war room, I was planning . . .
Bob -- Reading about the contents of your fly vest was fascinating. But I would LOVE to hear about this "war room" of yours sometime. Just an idea. :YUM


"If I don't catch them today, I'll catch them another day." Art Flick
I will do that as it would be such a service to anyone wishing to set up there own war room. But I've got to finish this story about Wilbur. Then Maybe the war room, but it is sooooooo secret, I'm afraid to write about it.
Thanks for your positive feedback--the more I get, the harder I try.
Keep drinking that catnip tea and get back to the keyboard!

OK, so you made it to Casper. Then what? I'm on the edge of my office chair . . . .

"Poor loops, but at least the fly is landing farther out than the main line these days"