Distortion of Fly Fishing

#63
The Dress Code
Gene Trump


I need to speak with you folks about the way you dress. No, not at work or on the streets; mind you, everyone looks fine on the streets, I'm talking about the way you dress when fishing.

Let's get one thing straight: Fly-fishing is supposed to be a class sport. Always has been. Always will be. But some of you people are not dressing the part in the least. Where do you get that stuff you wear? War surplus? Garage sales? The annual liquidation sale at Tacky-R-Us? Really, people. People, people -- shabby, very shabby, it's almost as if you've never received a catalog from L.L. Corn before. Get with it! There's an elitist image we have to uphold here!

First off, baseball and fly-fishing are in no way related. If you are holding your fly rod in the same manner as you do a baseball bat, you're asking for an unacceptable percentage of wind-knots per swing -- er, cast. So let's not see any more baseball caps on the heads of fly anglers. Most of you don't even support the team of the cap you wear, or the tractor, so let's get into the habit of wearing a nice "class" hat, like a fedora. The type Boggie used to wear. Nix on the cowboy hats. Nix on the norwesters, souwesters or any hat with a compass point as part of it's name. Nix especially on those silly hats with the long bill in the front and the flap at the back -- unless you're left-handed.

Hats that are marginally acceptable are English driving caps and Irish crusher hats -- but only if you plan to fish alone.

If you have trouble determining which hat to use, enroll in Hatology 101. The class will teach you all you need to know about fishing hats.

Shirts should be a good quality plaid in shades of brown. Wool in the winter and cotton in the summer. No reds, orange or screaming greens -- even if an outdoor writer does try to convince you to wear them because the colors show up nicely in photos. Do have a little respect for the fish.

You should find the best vest you can afford. If you can't afford an expensive one, sell your stereo to cover the cost. Please, no cheap vests from House Of Plastic. If you don't feel guilty about spending so much on a vest, you didn't pay enough.

The waders are critical. You must have Gortex. Nothing else will do. Least of all those incredibly tacky rubber affairs that seem to grow red bicycle tire tube patches on them like acne on a teenager. Do you realize what that looks like to someone thinking about becoming a flyfisher? Gad, I shudder to think. If you simply must wear such low-class waders, please, at least have the decency to throw them away when they start to leak.

A wading shoe is another must. No tennis shoes or logging boots. A proper wading shoe is the only footwear acceptable. The more expensive, the better.

However. If you do plan to fish in an area where the possibility of a confrontation with a grizzly bear exists, tennis shoes or other forms of running shoes are acceptable -- but they still look gauche and boring.

The rod, the reel, the flies, the line; nothing is more important than the way you look on the stream. Always carry a full-length mirror whenever possible so you can check your appearance before stepping toward the stream. I highly recommend you include a high-priced pipe with your wardrobe. Male or Female, a pipe held tight at the side of your lips seems to enhance the classic image you wish to project. I don't care if you don't smoke, you don't really have to ever light the thing. Sheesh.

Also, you must keep in mind that catching fish has little or nothing to do with all this. In fact, catching fish has a tendency to muss-up the demeanor so I don't really encourage you to do so.

It just doesn't matter if you catch fish or not. As long as you look good, who cares?
Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to pick up my tweed jacket from the cleaners and check to see if my L.L. Corn catalog has arrived. Of course I will have to pedal down on my bicycle because the bank just repossessed my car -- some foolishness about not making payments. But I know I'll always somehow come up with enough money to strut my stuff on the stream.

Remember, it's better to look good than to catch fish.
###
Well hell.... there goes my self esteem. I used to think I was a flyfisherman. But between this and reading on another thread that nymphing under an indicator isn't really flyfishing, I'm not so sure anymore.
 

Old Man

Just an Old Man
#66
I wear a baseball cap. It doesn't advertize anybody on it. All it has printed on it is "Old Man" With a picture of a Brown trout. I wear my cap all the time. I take it off to sleep and take a shower. I have several of the same, all different colors.

My wife started me on these. She got me an Orange cap for my riding in the hills during hunting season. I went the rest of the way and got the other colors.
 
#67
I wear a baseball cap. It doesn't advertize anybody on it. All it has printed on it is "Old Man" With a picture of a Brown trout. I wear my cap all the time. I take it off to sleep and take a shower. I have several of the same, all different colors.

My wife started me on these. She got me an Orange cap for my riding in the hills during hunting season. I went the rest of the way and got the other colors.

Ohhhh, BROWN TROUT on an ORANGE HAT.

Way to go, Jim. Great color combination. You fashion plate.
 

Old Man

Just an Old Man
#68
Ohhhh, BROWN TROUT on an ORANGE HAT.

Way to go, Jim. Great color combination. You fashion plate.
Yeah and my color scheme when I get out is what I'm wearing at the time. In the summer time it could be a bright colored "T" Shirt or a drab one, also with jean shorts and tennies. I haven't worn my waders is about three years now. In the winter time, it's a camo jacket, jeans and tennies.. I'm quite the fashion plate. For the city dump that is.
 

Jim Wallace

Smells like low tide.
#69
Here, I fixed it for ya!:D
Yes, but what is a little serf esteem, when compared to looking good streamside. Why, some days, I never wet a line, but spend all day just posing around a lampost on a street corner in front of my hotel, wondering where the locals are that were supposed to pick me up hours ago and take me fishing... yes waiting and posing with rod in hand, in my tweeds, enduring the catcalls of the vulgar street punks, the shaking heads and sidewise glances of men in business suits, and the terrified shrieking of little children as their mothers hurry them away.
 

plaegreid

Saved by the buoyancy of citrus
#72
I have a pipe and will bring it with me next time I hit the river. My flask travels with me as well, but I bring the utilitarian one instead of the leather-wrapped and fill it with peppermint schnapps instead of scotch. Freshest breath on the stream, bitches.
 

Krusty

Active Member
#74
Yeah and my color scheme when I get out is what I'm wearing at the time. In the summer time it could be a bright colored "T" Shirt or a drab one, also with jean shorts and tennies. I haven't worn my waders is about three years now. In the winter time, it's a camo jacket, jeans and tennies.. I'm quite the fashion plate. For the city dump that is.
I'm glad you clarified that...from the post above I thought maybe the various caps were all you wore. Old Man on a quad wearin just an orange baseball cap is some high octane nightmare fuel.
 

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