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Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Fellow Sportsmen,
As I type this, I fear for my life. It appears, judging by the brick that came sailing through my living room window last night, that the flabby, scud-chewing monsters who try to pass themselves off as the trout of Rocky Ford have become agitated after reading the report (titled “Bad Trout”) I posted on this bulletin board last night.

My worst fears are now confirmed. By this hostile brick-throwing action, I can only conclude that The Bad Trout are logged on to Washington Fly Fishing and tracking my every move. No information shared here is safe. Trust no one. How do you know for sure who’s lurking behind these posts anyway? Are you confident that the guy who just gave you tips on chironomid patterns isn’t actually a slimy Salmo Horribilis, with a 25-inch waistline and a triploid brain?

You probably think I’m crazier than a petting-zoo llama by now. But I’m telling you, there are trout out there smart enough to lure me out of my tent (using a slice of American cheese and an empty bottle of Jack Daniels as bait, if you must know), fashion a pair of handcuffs out of a discarded six-pack holder and tippet material, hijack my ’91 Ford Ranger, toss me in the back (handcuffed) and then go for a joy ride down to Soap Lake. And, you’re not going to believe this. To salt the wound, those sadistic animals left me kicking, snorting and helpless in the back of my own pickup while they went and got Del-Red burgers and swigged a couple of Budweiser Longnecks.

Fellow sportsmen, I shit you not.

And that’s not the worse of it. There’s a creepier, even more hair-raising plot being hatched out there at Rocky Ford. You see, there was a note attached to the brick that came sailing through my window last night. A rather soggy note. A suspiciously damp note.

After reading it, I realized that these Bad Trout of Rocky Ford, while they may have slightly above-average driving skills, certainly, beyond a shadow of a doubt have piss-poor handwriting. And very shabby spelling skills, too. Here is what the note said:

DONOT TRI 2 REZIZT US. WE’eR SMART-OOR DAN U. GiV UP eR WEWILL BE FORZEd 2 VappooriZE U. DONOT CoME to da FORd. REMEMBER Yur FailUre with the CHEESe. Stupid HuMan!

Clearly it can be seen that my posts last night really musta got their panties in a bunch (that’s right, I’m talking to you, Girly Trout!). But, I’ll tell you one thing. I’m not going to let any fish throw a brick through my window, call me a stupid human and live to tell about it. I don’t know about you guys, but I’m thinking this means war.
In fact, I’m starting to think about a little bit of smoked trout spread on a Triscuit. (Hear that, you bloated grammatically challenged, swamp-monsters?)

Well, I better run before they trace my ISP address. Remain strong, stay tuned, and for God’s sake don't go to Rocky Ford Creek!
 

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He's got your number Bob. A man like this, can only lower Bob Lawless' subscription rate. Bob, what are you going to do about this?:dunno Does this guy has what it takes to be the next Bob Lawless? Is he a flash-in-the-pan?

I actually think this guy is funny, Should he get his own column, team-rugged membership, and 2003 Team Rugged Coozy?:beer1

Oh, no! I smell Dissention in the ranks!!

Sparse

Streams are made for the wise man to contemplate and fools to pass by.
(Sir Izaak Walton)
 

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I don't know about it being retarded??:dunno I meen, come on, fishing from a handicapped dock does have it's appeal. All the people, all the pressure, these boys on this website love it. Maybe because it is retarded, maybe that keeps the apeal of the spectacle that is rocky ford. Think of it like this, if Rocky Ford was a golf course, it would be the crappy little rinky-dink half-ass course down the street. You play the game a few times, and realize its always fun for a few laughs once in while. Just to keep things real.:thumb YT:smokin
 

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Oncorhynchus clarki clarki
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Well I am still planning on trying the Ford for the first time on the 12th but thanks for the warning. Oh and I do find this funny, and I enjoy reading your posts so keep them coming. I do have one thing to say about all this stuff about comparing you and Bob, well I think there is plenty of room on this forum for both of you. Oh and a note for Bob, don't get upset, I still prefer your stories, no one can compare :thumb .

Sly
 

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Idaho Resident Craftsman/Artisan
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tsduke,

Tell me what should I do? What about that one Triploid that was wearing a 5 inch black bunny leech as a lip ring... Did you see him? Was he one of the abductors? Did they use any sharp foreign objects on you? Are you scarred for life? Can we help? Team Rugged at your service! These soldiers will be standing at attention, 12inch cuban in one hand and an Icehouse in the other... oh wait, Sparse would be leading the brigade so let's make that a Grandpa Tobacco pipe in one hand and a Kokanee in the other. Or if it was ******, skoal straight in one hand and Drambui in the other (however you spell that). Just kidding YT hehehehe Sorry I couldn't resist.

MAC

Oh and PS: The Ford can only provide a "retarded" experience and that's why we ride the short bus to the handicap dock.
 

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Almost Senior Member
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I think that the 101st team rugged should retalliate the brick throwing, by launching an all day assult on those salmo horribilis with triploid brains. This assult should take place on the 12th of April at 0 dark 30. They should surround the Ford and ambush those slime balls by launching a full arsenal scuds, chronimids, and wolly buggers. Until they surrender. Don't tell any reporters they might leak this info.
 

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TO: The Silver Duke (I am guessing that the T stands for "the' and the S stands for "Silver") Or is it The Savior Duke? Or is it, "THE SALMON DUKE?" Are you on our side or are you fetaheen?
Until I am proven wrong, until you have earned our trust, I must view you with suspicion as you could be part of the enemy.
The only way you could really show whether you are for the TROUT or you are for us would be for you to disclose your favorite fishing holes. If it's obvious that you are giving up the obvious, then suspicions will continue to grow. But if you could spill a little bit about some nice spots for the opener, then we could probably talk.
Also, and I am very reluctant to give advice where none was asked for, you might try to re-examine your being lured from your tent by a slice of American cheese and Jacky D. Try to raise your refusal criteria a bit. I mean, Camembert or Roquefort should be the threshold for a take, not tasteless Kraft Krap. And a good first malt from Scotland might be the lower limit for a beverage.
Just as a trout who can be fooled by a Royal Coachman, so will a cheese and bourbon fisherman be also fooled. And neither will last the day. We need you to lead us. Eat nothing. Drink nothing. Talk to no one. Keep us tuned in. We are your slaves--but first, the fishing holes?
(You write well and you are funny but no, you are not me, I am not you, we are not us, those are not them etc.)
Thanks for the chuckles and all the work it took to generate them.
Bob:thumb
 
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