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· Registered
2,862 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
Show me a fly fisherman and I'll show you a scoundrel and a sneak.
Now, of course, I know nothing about being a scoundrel, but about being a sneak, I am very proud to say that I am. To prove the point, let me just say, my dearest and only friends, that I am so sneaky that quite often I turn the corner in a hallway and there I am, having been so sneaky in my approach that I am unaware of my arriving on the other side of the corner, and thus I frighten myself quite frequently, but I am forced to smile at my stealth. Enough!

Sneaking up on big bass is not easy. I refuse to fish from a boat as I consider this to be unsportsmanlike. So I must sneak along through reeds and bushes, fallen trees and rocks, logs and stumps, through scum and foam, thick and thin, rain and wind--you name it, I have to crawl through it. But alas, I have discovered through my genius a method so deadly that I had to get permission from fish and game to release it. I was given this permission only if I promised to ask all members to release all bass thus taken in order to protect the resource. DON'T FILL YOUR FREEZER!!

Here it is: You will need to purchase some new gear or fashion some on your own: a head band (macramed by your sweetheart is preferred). some green and blue paint and small brush, a snorkel tube and mask, and some green striped trunks or tights if you prefer.

Find a weedy, very reedy, somewhat seedy body of water. Don't worry about whether it contains bass or not. They are there! It's just that no one knows it. Enter the water dressed as follows: green striped fins on the feet. Body painted blue with vertical green stripes. Green striped trunks or tights on and the fly zipped shut.
The face is a mixture of green stripes (reeds) and white blotches (scum). Put on the mask and insert snorkel in mouth (remove any chaw first). Stick reeds and bullrushes in your head band much like the chiefs of old and insert your rod (rigged but broken in two)into the war bonnet. Slowly begin your exploration of the lake or pond.

Once, while working near shore in a pond out in the Potholes area (sorry, but this is as close as I can tell you), I noticed this huge nightcrawler impaled on a big hook, dangling in front of my mask. Slowly I swung about. Some damn kid with a cane pole is standing about 10 feet away and apparently he doesn't see me. So I decide to give his worm a violent jerk but I fail to notice that his cork has plugged up my snorkel. Not being able to breath and thoroughly panicked, I come crashing up out of the water like some 235 lb. tarpon. The kid is terrified, chucks his pole at me, and runs for it at top speed. I never saw that kid again.

But it was the time that just as I was closing in on this big bass
(allow me to suggest that any bass under 8lbs. is not considered by me to be big) that I got this hard sock on my head, causing enormous pain. The source of this insult was a Fred Abborgast "Jitterbug" (red and white). My eyes followed the line down to this shameless, fat fellow who was staring at me with eyes wide shut. I gave him some gang signs and a what for. He said he was sorry but that my disguise was such that I looked like a really good place to fish.
I gave him some more gang signs.

In my next post, I will teach you how to maximize the famous Bob's disguise. :pROFESSOR

· Stop Killing Wild Steelhead!
5,768 Posts
Bob, Im worried about you, truly concerned.What could possibly disguise someone as radical as yourself? I don't believe that it's possible, I really don't. Without having ever met you before I am certain you are a wild-eyed lunatic. Please stay away from my water.Stop scaring my fish, and little children, etc.
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